Tuesday, 6/30/2026
Yesterday was chaotic and full of self-anger. I swear I swore a lot. I felt bad but was frustrated at the same time. I’ve realized since giving birth, I get frustrated easily and started swearing. It’s been getting worse recently. It’s a sign of losing self-control. I’m aware of it. I know that’s bad. I know the worst days shall pass, but when anger comes, I can’t stop it… It’s probably mainly because I’m not happy with myself and my current situation. Anyway, I’m not giving up.
S dropped us off at the mall. M and I had a good time there. I bought a denim dress and a silky shirt; both were on sale. The dress isn’t really my style, but it’s nice to try something different sometimes. I look ok in it. I spent quite a lot of time in Burlington but wasn’t lucky enough to find anything I was interested in. Still, just browsing through their items made me happy enough.
We took a break and had dinner at the food court. There weren’t many choices, especially for M, because everything was salty. I got steamed rice with grilled beef and veggies. That way I could adjust it to make it less salty. I also bought Italian bread rolls and gave M the soft inside instead of the salty crust. He really enjoyed it.
Earlier, we had stopped by the library to return books. I will borrow them again, as I hadn’t finished reading some of them.
Wednesday, 7/1/2026
M didn’t eat much today. He even threw up a lot when I fed him in his car seat right after he just woke up from a nap. I shouldn’t have done that. Eating too fast when the stomach hadn’t woken up yet and was under the pressure of the straps, was probably the main reason. I hoped he would eat better at dinner but all he ate was corn and some grapes. He’s tired. I gave him a bath and he went to bed at 8:11 pm. Hopefully, he will eat more tomorrow. I will spend more time with him, not just physically, but my mind should be there as well. He’s my everything. He gives my life a purpose and motivates me to be better each day. He’s my reason to look forward to tomorrow. He’s the best gift the universe has ever given me.
Begin life at forty 
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