Feeling Bad

Saturday, 02/07/2026

M had a crappy sleep again. He’s not eating much either. He’s fine with solid food but breastmilk/formula is still the main source of nutrition until he’s one. I’ve never been confident about my milk supply — always doubt that I have enough, so I try to feed him an extra 4 oz of formula at each feeding, besides the solids. Yes, only 4 oz — the same amount he’s been taking since he was 2.5 months old but it’s a battle most of the time. At 3:26 pm, he only had some breastmilk for lunch and few tbsp of formula mixed into his solid food. That was it.

…

I’m feeling terrible about myself and my situation. (…)

….

Thinking about her, I don’t understand what her silence means. It hurts me soooooo bad. I’m trying to live my life though. Hard. Hard. Hard. I texted her I respect her silence but honestly, this is how I truly feel.

I need to love myself more. For me and for my little M.

…

Sometimes I just tune it out since I’m so tired of the lies and excuses. I know this pattern won’t change.

Finally, this day is ending. It’s not too bad in the end. I managed to tidy up and vacuum the place. M ate well and is sleeping now. Worried a bit that he might wake up early as I didn’t change his diaper like I usually do before his last sub feeding. Don’t know why I didn’t do it this time, then it was too late as he was already asleep and I didn’t want to wake him up. Anyway, it’s not a big deal.

Friday, 02/06/2026

Tired. I didn’t go to sleep until almost 3 am last night. M kept waking up and when he fell asleep, ready to get back to his bed, Sam cried, waking him up again. So frustrating. I couldn’t help getting mad at him.