Gloomy

March 26, 2024

Last week has been the worst I’ve ever experienced in my life. I felt utterly powerless and drained; overwhelmed by intense fear and distress about what lies ahead. I finally cried. Oh, I just felt so great when tears flowed freely, flushing away the heavy currents of pent-up emotions. In tears, I thought about my mom, family and friends and felt profoundly thankful for having them with me, giving me generous support, strength, encouragement and wisdom. However, deep down, I was ashamed as I realized I have never been as strong as I thought I had become. I’m still the old version of myself from years ago, plagued by anxiety and vulnerability. I was fully aware that what will happen will happen. Sometimes the best course of action is to accept the situation and focus on what is within our control. And with time, wounds will heal. However, in reality, I did exactly the opposite. I became impatient and restless. I spent hours and hours searching for answers to the possible scenarios I might encounter. I was trapped in the dark hole of despair and fear. But as I said, I am so fortunate to have all the support I need. Right now, I’m with my mom, sharing the bed with her. She is the beacon of light, illuminating the darkness, guiding me peacefully through the turbulent nights.