​Canceled IVF Cycle 4 (Round 3), May 2023

Paid $4,494.45 for medications.

Sun, 4/9: period (disappointingly light flow)

Wed, 4/12: start BCPs 

Tue, 4/18: specimen collection 

Tue, 4/25: stop BCPs (taken total 14 days)

4/28: baseline ultrasound and blood tests

Worried that if there was a cyst, I would lose the chance to do the treatment. Luckily, the results turned out normal with 13 follicles on the left and 11 on the right.

Sat, 4/29 (day 1 of stim): 300 unit Gonal F (PM), 150 unit Menopur (PM), 100 mg Clomid 

Sun, 4/30 (day 2 of stim): same doses, same time

Mon, 5/1 (day 3 of stim): same doses, same time

Tue, 5/2 (day 4 of stim): same doses, same time

Wed, 5/3 (day 5 of stim): Same doses, same time. Added 5 mg Letrozole (2 tablets).

– ultrasound and blood tests: one 12.5 mm on the left and one 13.3 mm on the right with many tiny follicles. It was good that there were no dominant ones.

Thur, 5/4 (day 6 of stim): Same doses, same time as on Wed, 5/3.

Fri, 5/5 (day 7 of stim): Same doses as Thur, 5/4, different time: AM: 300 unit Gonal F, 0.25 Cetrotide, and 5 mg Letrozole (2 tablets); PM: 150 unit Menopur

Ultrasound and blood tests: Not good. A dominant follicle appeared (19.7 mm on the right). The second biggest one on the left was 13.6, showing minimal growth compared to its size of 12.5 mm two days earlier. Additionally, Estrogen decreased from 331 to 281, indicating that follicles didn’t grow as expected, increasing the risk of the lack of ovulation. Was instructed to continue stimulation injections and go back to the clinic for ultrasound and blood tests the next day. If Estrogen didn’t turn around, the treatment would be canceled.

Sat, 5/6 (day 8 of stim): 300 unit Gonal F (AM), 0.25 Cetrotide (AM) and 150 unit Menopur (PM)

Ultrasound and blood tests: The dominant follicle jumped to 22.7 mm and the biggest second one was 15.7 mm. Other follicles were less than 10 mm and the scan showed they didn’t grow. However, Estrogen slightly increased to 336. Was told to continue stimulation injections and went back to the clinic for ultrasound and blood tests the next day; the possibility of cancelation was also mentioned. If I proceeded with the retrieval, the maximum number of eggs expected would be only 2.

Sun, 5/7 (day 9 of stim): 300 unit Gonal F (AM) and 0.25 Cetrotide (AM)

Ultrasound and blood tests: One 18.4 mm follicle on the left and one 25.5 mm follicle on the right.

Canceled the cycle following the doctor’s recommendation.

Going to have a consultation visit with the doctor on Tue, 5/30/2023 regarding an overview of the recent failed cycle and a protocol to be considered for the next cycle.

I still have 3 boxes of 300 unit Gonal F and 2 boxes of Cetrotide in the fridge. Need to remind myself to check the fridge’s temperature first thing in the morning to make sure it stays within the safe range. For the next cycle, I plan to buy enough medications around the ultrasound and blood test time, instead of buying all at once as my treatment can be stopped any time if the tests don’t show normal results. I actually tried this way last time because I wanted to avoid wasting medications, but ordering them was incredibly nerve-wracking. I spent hours anxiously on the phone, finally being able to talk to the pharmacy’s representative and place the order. I had been so worried that I wouldn’t have medications when I needed them. I then asked for the representative’s email in case I can’t reach anyone by phone next time. But I’m not sure if avoiding potential waste of money is worth the stress I experience. I can’t afford the risk of not having medications, especially on weekends and Monday mornings. The pharmacy doesn’t ship on Sunday but ships overnight during week days but the delivery usually arrives around 9 am the next day while I may need medications earlier in the morning – I typically take morning injections at 5 am so that S can leave for work after giving me shots.

I was utterly defeated each time our IVF failed but this time I’m not feeling as devastated. It’s probably because I still hold onto the hope and have chances to try again. And deep inside, my emotions have been crushed so profoundly that I told myself, “Enough is enough!” I can’t continue living a life feeling incomplete due to this any more. I need to live life to the fullest though it’s incomplete. Also, what truly helps me stay strong after the stressful experiences is that I no longer hate or get disappointed about myself. This is so meaningful as it allows me to enjoy life with all the blessings I have been given. In previous failures, I was struck by the double blow of the bitter disappointment from unsuccessful IVF attempts and the self-hatred.