Tues, 08/02/2022 – Memory of first-time skiing
I went skiing for the first time at Taos Ski Valley a few years ago on Thanksgiving (and probably would be my last time). I am a pretty safety-conscious person and I always try to maintain balance. I tend to avoid any kind of risk that might lead to something unexpected, which could compromise those values. The skiing was fun yet scary and the most challenging thing for me was to stay balanced.
When I stood in a pair of super heavy, tight boots hooked to skis – two hard, narrow strips, I felt I got locked and extremely awkward on my “new feet”. Even though I had a 3-hour lesson with an instructor and S’s help, I kept falling frequently because I couldn’t shake off my fear of falling. I couldn’t let down my guard to relax and unwind. I had no control over my movements. My fear took over and my body became tense, rigid, and uncoordinated. The more I tried to maintain balance, the worse it got.
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Wed, 08/03/2022 – VN store shopping and Annual medical check-up
I’m feeling really down. Like I’m stuck in a rut. My disappointment is just getting bigger and bigger, but I’m not sure talking about it will make me feel any better. It’s a dilemma of life that sometimes things that seem small or taken for granted by some people are huge wishes or unattainable dream for others.
I wish I could’ve scheduled the appointment for biometric screening and blood tests earlier but the earliest that I could make was at 11:30 am. And I had to fast the night before after my dinner. I couldn’t stop thinking of food while in the waiting room. Morning is my usual eating time. I don’t need a huge breakfast, but I gotta have something. Thankfully the appointment was quick and as soon as I left, I immediately headed to a Vietnamese store.
In the store, there was so much delicious food that I just wanted to buy everything. I ended up getting 10 yellow mangoes, 6 banh bao (steamed pork buns), 1 sticky rice roll filled with black bean and banana wrapped in banana leaves, 1 stuffed sticky rice pyramid-shaped dumpling, 2 sponge cakes, 2 cups of sweet soup and fresh coconut jelly, a bag of dried squid, two duck baluts, a bunch of bananas, bamboos, fresh herbs and the list goes on. One more thing I had to mention is I also bought 1 lb of thit heo quay (crispy roast pork), my favorite which I hadn’t had in years. I excitedly shared it with S, being confident he would like it. But nope, he just ate a few pieces. That was surprising as he typically likes pork belly, either tender or crunchy, but when this specialty could give him both, he didn’t like it.
At 9:40 pm, I felt hungry again but I knew it was just a craving. I’ve been eating a lot of sugar, cholesterol and carbs for the past few days. I decided to go to bed instead.
The next morning, I cleaned out the garage and took the trash can to the curb, but then remembered it wasn’t trash day. It was 6:30 am and I wanted to go back to sleep but I had to prepare for my annual checkup at 8:30 am. I relaxed in the tub, reading some stuff on my phone while waiting for my face and hair to fully absorb masks, then showered, got dressed and left home at 8:15 am. My car was low on gas but I didn’t stop to fill up cause I was running late and just wanted to get straight to the doctor’s office.
The visit went well. All of my markers are good which is great since my glucose level was a bit high a few months ago. I paid $150 for a vitamin D test as well though it wasn’t required by the health promotion program; hopefully in case its result isn’t good, it won’t affect our goal to save over $3k/year on health insurance. I’ve been taking one prenatal vitamin daily which contains 2000 IU of vitamin D, as recommended by my IVF doctor, but I want to make sure my body is absorbing vitamin D tablets as effectively as the liquid. In the past, only liquid vitamin D repaired my deficiency. I also got the HbA1c test which I hadnt known was for diabetes until a nurse told me when she took my blood. I don’t think I need this test but S definitely does. He’s sugar-addicted. It’s scary to have diabetes and I’m worried his test result will be abnormal. But I hope that won’t be the case. Separately, one coworker S shared the workspace with got COVID, I hope S doesn’t get infected.
Update: Got the vitamin D test result, 32 ng/mL, normal in the range between 30-100 ng/mL.
Sun, 08/07/2022
I will change. I’ll be different.
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Went to Lowe’s and bought one arborvitae and one Japanese holly.
Sat, 08/06/2022 – Therapeutic incense
Slept a lot. Felt overwhelmingly anxious in the evening. Listened to hypnosis to calm down. It helped.
Went back to the hippie store at a flea market to buy non-synthetic incense but they didn’t have any. The store was almost empty and the shelves which uses to be fully stocked with incense were gone. The shop owner (I guessed) told us to check row A where we might find what I was looking for. There was only one small incense store in row A with a limited selection and none of them were 100% natural. I ended up buying three packs of hand-rolled Satya incense: Sacred ritual, Traditional ayurveda and Karma. Though Satya incense has synthetic fragrance oil, I love its smell which is very relaxing and soothing and it is much better than unbearably strong hand-dipped incense.
I really miss living in Taos, where I found a lot of of pure, natural, non-toxic incense from world famous producers in Japan, India, Nepal, Bhutan, and Mexico. The spicy, woody, earthy fragrances in the incense by Tara, Nado and Shoyeido were so therapeutic, which helped me be grounded and centered. What I liked most about Shoyeido’s is the transparent information on the packages including detailed ingredients and the clear statement “non-synthetic”. I know synthetic isn’t always bad but I like when the information is as clear as possible.
Begin life at forty 