No shower, no face wash, not even brushing my teeth since I rolled out of bed. Spent all morning glued to my phone screen, trying to dig up info to deal with the anxiety and fear on my IVF journey. How ashamed! Should’ve been doing something productive to lift my spirits, but ended up procrastinating instead. Can’t seem to find energy, motivation, or positivity to keep pushing myself forward. This journey’s been a real drain—emotionally and physically. I’m on the verge of throwing in the towel, but deep down, I know this time is my last chance considering my age. Even though the odds are extremely slim, I’m still hanging in there. Still giving it my all, even though I can feel the toll it’s taking on my body and mind. Set a limit for myself—two more cycles, but right now, it feels like I’m just dragging myself through each day, counting down to the end. I’m doing it without much hope, just trying to avoid future regrets. Feels like it’s sucking the life out of me…
I’m feeling lost, I’m losing the purpose in life. Everything I’ve tried, everything I’m about to do, they just don’t seem to hold any meaning any more. I haven’t given up yet but I know I can’t keep going like this much longer. I’m terribly worn out. My life, my strength, determination, emotions, and hope have all been devastatingly crushed.
I feel powerless in everything…
No idea what’s waiting for me back in the States once this journey’s over. Don’t know if things will stay the same or take a turn for the worse. Probably worse.
Begin life at forty 