My tenth cycle, the last one, was something I hadn’t planned for. Before the ninth cycle, I thought it would be the last one. After almost three years of intensive treatments—6 egg retrievals, 2 canceled ones on day 8 and 9 of stimulation, 10 rounds of anesthesia, countless injections and medications, all I was able to get was just one extremely poor day-3 embryo. This bleak outcome, severe pain after egg retrievals in the later cycles, and an strained marriage were all wakeup calls for me that it was time to stop. The emotional and physical pain made me feel like I was losing myself. After all the repeated failures I started to accept that I might never become a mother to my own child. There may be questions about my resilience—or stubbornness, to some—but I have my reasons for pushing forward with this journey.
During this time, I started to consider the option of using donor eggs. I wasn’t entirely sure about this path, but I wanted to gather some information and start preparing. In VN, finding egg donors is pretty easy. Many services help with the entire process, from selecting donors to handling the egg retrieval. The cost for eggs from young, tall, good-looking donors who are students from prestigious colleges is around 45 million VND (~$1800).
The service provider is responsible for verifying the donor’s identity, criminal records, medical history, and other necessary documents to ensure they are clean. It sounds perfect, though I’m not sure about how legitimate the process is, as it’s not uncommon for documents to be fake.
I also talked to my cousin and asked if she would consider donating her eggs. She was incredibly kind and agreed to help me.
However, with the positive result from the ninth cycle, I wanted to build on that progress. As I mentioned in my post about the ninth cycle, the next cycle was still within the window where PRP and HGH were still effective, so I didn’t want to miss this opportunity.
For the tenth cycle, I needed more HGH. However, due to the high demand and scarcity of the drug, I had to pay extra.
I had also been getting acupuncture six days a week and tried Glutathione drips. This drug is available in oral, injection, or drip and is commonly used for patients recovering from cancer treatments or with liver inflammation for detoxification. It is also used in the beauty industry for skin brightening. In IVF, it’s believed to potentially improve the quality of eggs and embryos.
The benefits of the medication aren’t clear, and opinions on it vary. But with IVF, it’s often a process of trial and error, and the results are uncertain. The protocols and methods used depend heavily on the doctor’s experience and personal approach. I just wanted to try everything possible to hopefully improve the outcome.
In VN, I bought this drug directly from a pharmacy without a prescription, and then paid about $2 for a nurse to give the drip. The price of Glutathione was around $10 for a 1200 mg dose, which is relatively cheap for a single use. However, like supplements or other assisted methods, it’s usually recommended to use it for a certain period, like 3 months, before seeing any effects. So, when you factor in the total duration of treatment, the overall cost can add up.
Despite all my hope and efforts, this last cycle unfortunately ended up with no fertilization and no embryos. That was it. For me, it was more than enough. I no longer questioned if I had tried enough. I accepted the failure with peace.
To get ready for the transfer, the doctor suggested a scan of my uterus to check for any issues. I agreed and stressed that I wanted a thorough look to make sure nothing would mess with the transfer or a potential pregnancy. I didn’t look at what he wrote on the order form when I left his office, but later I freaked out when I saw ‘Mổ nội soi OB’. I guessed ‘OB’ meant my abdomen, and ‘Mổ nội soi’ was like laparoscopy, a somewhat invasive procedure that involves a small incision for a camera device to check the area. I totally wasn’t expecting that! I really hate surgery and try to avoid it whenever possible. I immediately told him that the uterine sonography would be enough for me, and he agreed. I thought my request for a “detailed examination” might have caused confusion, that’s why he had changed the order to accommodate my “preference”.
Two days after the procedure, I flew back to the US with a one-way ticket due to a sudden situation. I hoped to return to VN soon, ideally within two months. But honestly, everything was so unpredictable and out of my control back then, and I had no idea what was waiting for me back home.
My IVF journey, after 10 cycles, is finally on pause, with my three day-3 embryos. Finally I’m able to have the first transfer. I never thought I’d make that far, nor did I expect the emotional toll it would take on me. I have given everything I/we had for this – our money, and my physical and mental health, so I know I’ll never regret not trying enough
My ninth IVF cycle was full of twists and turns. At one point, it felt like it was going to be the worst cycle, but in the end, it became the one where I had my first real “victory”.
Given my age and repeated IVF failures, I was exploring all options, including Human Growth Hormone (HGH). I learned that it isn’t just used to promote growth in children; it’s also used by adults, like gym enthusiasts, for building muscles (illegal??), and is even considered as an off-label treatment in IVF to potentially improve egg and embryo quality. This encouraged me to ask my doctor for a prescription. I needed to know the dosage, frequency, timing, and duration of injections. He didn’t give me a straight answer, repeating that there wasn’t a protocol and insufficient research for IVF use. He never actually said no, but the first time he told me I was on my own, I knew what he meant. I understood his position—he couldn’t risk his career prescribing something unofficial, though I was willing to take responsibility. Although some sources suggested HGH wasn’t beneficial for IVF, given my circumstances and the lack of identified major risks, I decided to take the chance and manage the HGH injections myself.
In IVF, the most commonly used HGH is Omnitrope, but I couldn’t find it in VN. In fact, finding HGH there wasn’t easy at all. The only type available to me was Saizen, which I had read about being used in IVF treatments in Australia.
I’d bought one box of 6 mg Saizen as a sample to show it to my doctor, hoping to convince him to prescribe HGH for me. However, 1.5 months later, when I tried to buy more, it was no longer available, and no one could tell me when it might be back on the market. This scarcity was completely unexpected. Though I called many big pharmacies, I still had no luck.
The only place I hadn’t contacted was the National Children’s Hospital, so I decided to give it a try as a last resort. I had avoided hospital pharmacies before because they usually required doctors’ prescriptions, which I didn’t have. On my way to the hospital’s main gate, I noticed many pharmacies lining the street, so I thought, why not stop by one of them first?
The pharmacy didn’t have the hormone I needed in stock, but after several calls, the owner said he could get a different one for me. The new one was Genotropin, but it shared the same main active ingredient. And I would have to wait until the next day as the drug was being brought in by air. This informal import method, known as “Hàng xách tay” (hand-carried goods), is quite common in Vietnam.
HGH protocols vary widely in terms of dosage, total injection days, and timing. Some doctors recommend starting injections on the first day of stimulation and continuing until the egg retrieval day. Others suggest priming with HGH weeks before stimulation and continuing through the process until the booster shot. Some patients only use it for a few days during stimulation.
Based on what I had read, I decided to take 1mg per day, starting from the first stimulation day until the booster shot. This seemed to be the most common protocol I came across. I aligned the timing with my stimulation injections, which made things easier. Using Saizen was simple and straightforward, the Genotropin pen was a nightmare to set up. The instructions were confusing, and the pen’s design was far more complicated compared to Saizen.
I nervously tried to set the dose, worried I’d break the pen. If that happened, I’d be totally screwed. I just couldn’t figure it out, and as the time I was supposed to inject came and went, I got even more anxious. Finally, I gave up and ran to the nearest hospital to ask for help.
At first, some of the staff I asked thought it would be simple, but they quickly realized the drug was quite special and unfamiliar to them. Since I didn’t have a prescription, most of them refused to assist me. Only one doctor stayed, saying she could tell by my expression that I was desperately seeking help. Together, we watched YouTube videos and followed the manual, trying to figure out how to set up the pen. She twisted and turned the pen’s knob vigorously while I was afraid she might break the pen. Finally it worked. I was super relieved at first but then felt so bummed when I realized I’d lost half the drug during setting it up.
Deep down, I was still grateful that, thanks to her help, I was finally able to take the injection. Since the pen came with a larger dose—12 mg, the only option available—instead of the smaller dose I had originally intended to buy, I was fortunate to still have enough medication left, even after losing half of it.
The ninth cycle could have been a huge disappointment for me, but in the end, it brought so many unexpected surprises.
At the baseline ultrasound, everything looked good with two follicles on the left and two on the right. I started daily injections of Puregon 300 IU from 06/08/24, added IVF 75 IU from 06/12/24 and Orgalutran from 06/14/24. However, during the stimulation process, my follicles developed very slowly. Midway through, one follicle grew much larger than the others, which was not ideal, as I hoped for more evenly growing follicles. I continued with the stimulation, hoping the smaller follicles would catch up with the larger one, but unfortunately, that didn’t happen. The largest follicle measured 19 mm while the second one was 10 mm. My doctor then recommended a dual stimulation cycle, where I would undergo egg retrieval to collect the large follicle and immediately continue stimulation to encourage the growth of the remaining follicles.
At first, I was hesitant, worried that I might end up with nothing. Many people fail to get any embryos, even after retrieving a lot of eggs, so I wasn’t sure how things would go with just one follicle. It’s also common to retrieve fewer eggs than the baseline number. I was leaning toward the idea of ignoring the large follicle and letting the smaller ones continue to grow. However, both the doctor and a patient I spoke with suggested that the large follicle might actually be the best, as it could have the most nutrients. That reasoning made sense to me.
I underwent egg retrieval after seven days of stimulation, preparing for none to be retrieved, but luckily I secured two eggs, and both fertilized successfully. Amazingly, according to the embryologist, the embryos’ quality had improved significantly. Both showed good cell division, normal morphology, and minimal fragmentation on day three, and one even had the potential to reach the blastocyst stage by day five. Also, this time around, I didn’t have the bad pain like I did after egg retrievals in the past. I think the anesthesiologist adjusted my meds after I told them how bad it was then, and it made a huge difference.
This result might be devastated to many IVF patients, but for me, it was a milestone, marking a big improvement after so many attempts to just get one good egg and then a good embryo. Though the embryos weren’t graded as “good”, the embryologist said they were much better, which meant the whole world to me.
I took a break of four or five days after the egg retrieval but continued injecting HGH before starting the second phase of stimulation. Unfortunately, the follow-up ultrasound showed that all the follicles were gone or as the doctor put it, “ruptured.” So, I never got the chance to experience the dual stimulation process.
As for my two embryos, I didn’t want to risk waiting until day five because they were all I had, and I didn’t want to lose them. Usually, the number of embryos that develop on day five is much lower than than the number of embryos on day three. For patients with fewer embryos, doctors typically recommend freezing or transferring on day three. So, I decided to freeze my two embryos on day three.
At first, I thought about a fresh transfer because my progesterone was fine. I once had a day-3 embryo in the US, but at that time, my body wasn’t ready for a fresh transfer because my progesterone was high. Unfortunately, that one didn’t make it past dat four.
After thinking it over, I decided not to go for a fresh transfer. I wanted one more cycle to hopefully collect more embryos. Maybe the next cycle would be the one that maximized the benefits of the PRP and HGH injections. After a month of HGH priming and PRP injections, I was hoping for a better outcome. Given my age, my low ovarian reserve, and poor egg quality, I didn’t want to miss this “golden” opportunity to gather more embryos. If I did a fresh transfer, it could delay another egg retrieval, and with so many uncertainties along the way, it could end up wasting precious time. So, I made the decision to hold off on the fresh transfer.
After nine cycles, I finally saw some improvements in the quality of my embryos. I finally got three day-3 embryos to freeze (I wasn’t too hopeful about the one from the 8th cycle due to its very poor quality), and freezing it on day three wasn’t really my choice—it was just what I had to do to avoid losing it). The ninth cycle was a milestone, showing some progress, which renewed my hope. Instead of freezing two embryos in one tube, I decided to freeze them separately. While this meant higher storage costs and would double the transfer costs, I didn’t want to risk losing everything at once in case both embryos didn’t work. By transferring one at a time, I could hold onto hope if the first one didn’t succeed. That was how I dealt with my emotional stress.
In short, the ninth cycle was like a roller coaster. I started off “high” on PRP and HGH, hoping they would improve my results, then felt down as the follicles grew unevenly, and I faced the possibility of no eggs after retrieval. But then I was back up with two decent day-3 embryos and the hope of collecting more during the second stimulation phase. The ride leveled out when dual stimulation didn’t happen, but in the end, I was still happy with the results.
When my seventh IVF cycle failed after all the efforts I’d put into improving my fertility health, I went through the darkest days of my life—days I will never forget. I was losing so much of myself, something I never expected. The toll this journey took on me was beyond anything I could have imagined. I felt pressed and crushed. You would never know the depth of it until you’re already caught in that spiral, and by then, it’s too late to back off without pain or exhaustion.
I don’t think words can be enough to express how I felt, or maybe I’m just not capable of expressing it through words. All I can say is that I was living through the hardest days of my life. It was a lonely journey, one I accepted because it was my choice, whether voluntary or not. I had love and support—more than I ever expected—so there was no reason to moan about it. My focus was on doing my best to deserve the good things I had received along this challenging path.
My eighth cycle began with a host of fertility issues: endometriosis, low egg ovarian reserve, poor egg quality, and poor sperm quality. It felt like every obstacle was in my way.
I had been focusing on eating healthy, staying active, going to bed early, and minimizing stress, but the results still hadn’t improved. To prepare for this cycle, I added acupressure and reflexology twice a week, and my acupuncturist had me doing acupuncture every day except Sundays. I also researched a method called PRP (Platelet-Rich Plasma), which has been used recently in the US and other developed countries. It’s said to help rejuvenate ovaries, potentially improving the quality of eggs by up to 50%. There was a lot of debate about this method, with some people dismissing it as just a marketing gimmick, while others considered it a game-changer. On Reddit, many IVF patients who tried it shared positive results. However, it was completely new in Vietnam. The only information I could find here was a short YouTube clip from a scientific conference—it wasn’t educational, just an introductory video.
When I brought up this method to my doctor, he was surprised I’d heard of this since at that time, PRP injections were still being researched and hadn’t yet received national medical approval there.
I shared the documents and videos I had collected in English for his reference. He said he could go ahead with it, but I would have to take full responsibility for any consequences. That wasn’t a problem for me because I trusted him, and I knew this method was relatively safe since it uses the patient’s own blood.
I was scheduled for PRP injections really quickly, on day 6 of my cycle. One of the things I really appreciate about treatments in Vietnam is how flexible the timing is. You don’t have to wait long to book an appointment, and this flexibility extends to almost every step of the medical process, saving a lot of time on administration, preparation, and procedures.
On the day of the procedure, the doctor drew two tubes of my blood and injected around 4 ml of plasma into my ovaries while I was under anesthesia. Afterward, I felt fine, just experiencing some light cramps and more discharge than usual, which lasted a few days.
For the procedure, my doctor administered two PRP injections, one in each ovary. Other doctors I’ve read about do multiple injections at different spots on the ovaries, and the amount of plasma used can vary. It really depends on the doctor and clinic, as PRP is not universally accepted or practiced the same way everywhere. A quick online search showed that PRP treatment was around $5,000 in the US, but I only paid 10 million VND (~$400) there.
Besides PRP, Human Growth Hormone (HGH) injections are also believed to help improve egg quality and have been used in the US. However, it was something completely new in VN. When I mentioned it to my doctor, he was surprised. I told him I wanted to give it a try, but he was hesitant because there wasn’t an established protocol for it yet.
During my treatment in VN, my conditions worsened, and with doctors juggling so many patients, I realized I needed to take a more proactive approach in finding ways to improve my fertility. I couldn’t expect a doctor to go beyond researching my case or take the initiative to explore new protocols or treatments that might work better for me. I used to feel upset and disappointed, wishing my doctor would do more, but over time, I understood that maybe I was expecting too much. I came to appreciate my doctor for listening to and respecting my thoughts, as well as for his support and attention. These meant a lot to me because it’s stressful for any patient to work with a doctor who assumes they know nothing.
28 days after the PRP injections on 04/18/24, I started my eighth IVF cycle on 05/16/24. I had daily injections of Pergoveris300 IU for 8 days, added Orgalutran in the mornings starting from 05/20/24, then injected a dual booster of Fertipeptil 0.1 mg and Ovitrellte 250 mg on 05/23/24. My follicles measured 17, 15 mm (L) and 17, 15 mm (R) on the booster day. I got 3 eggs retrieved and only one day-3 embryo, which was frozen the same day. The embryologist explained that the embryo would be unlikely to survive until day 5, and they don’t typically freeze embryos on day 4. The embryologist noted that the embryo’s development was abnormal during cell division, with the cells not dividing clearly, and the fragmentation percentage was over 50%, which was very high.
Having just one frozen day-3 embryo didn’t mean my results had improved, but it did help my emotions. At least I didn’t end the cycle with nothing. There was still some hope, though minimal, because if there hadn’t been, there wouldn’t have been any reason to freeze it.
Was I disappointed with the result? No. I had started to become familiar with repeated failures and unexpected occurrences. Gradually, I accepted that being a biological mother might not be for me. I was just trying to do what I could to avoid regret later on. After the eighth cycle, I started to realize the toll it had taken on my body. Since the seventh cycle, my body had ached severely after egg retrieval, even though I had few eggs retrieved. It felt like I was “paralyzed” the day after the procedure. My upper body felt stiff and tight, and whenever I moved, my muscles seemed to “retract,” making breathing incredibly painful. I had to sleep sitting up. In past cycles, I never experienced this kind of pain and never needed pain relievers after retrieval. When the pain first hit, I didn’t even remember the pain relievers I had been prescribed. This time, I took pain relievers, but they only helped a little.
The pain was a wake-up call, making me think about putting an end to this journey. I started to worry about the long-term consequences of the continuous IVF cycles. I started to accept that I had done enough. It was time to stop, take care of myself, and consider a different path.
However, since PRP injections are believed to be effective for up to three months and I still had nearly two months left, I didn’t want to miss the chance. So, I decided to continue the ninth cycle, this time trying HGH.
Since this was my last cycle in the US, I was very careful to order only the amount of medication I needed to avoid waste. Timing was tricky too. I had to plan ahead to avoid missing doses as my pharmacy didn’t deliver on Sundays. This meant a Monday morning dose could be late, especially with my early injections. Because I only ordered enough drugs, no extra, I didn’t account for possible delivery delays. One Monday, I ran out of Gonal F and freaked out. Fortunately my clinic loaned me a pen. The total cost for medication this cycle was over $6,000.
My baseline scan showed 16 follicles on the left, 6 on the right. After 1.5 months on birth control pills, I began stimulation: Lupron 40 units on day 1, then 20 units with 225 units of Gonal-F twice daily from day 2 – very high doses. By day 15, 9/15/2023, the ultrasound showed only one at 18.5 mm on the left, and three at 22, 19.9 and 16.9 mm on the right. That was it.
I triggered with Pregnyl 10,000 and had the retrieval on September 17th. They retrieved three eggs—one was abnormal, two fertilized. By day four, there were no embryos.
Cycle five had failed. Five attempts, five heartbreaks. I was exhausted, but this failure didn’t surprise me as it had happened repeatedly.
S didn’t want me to continue IVF. This journey had been more than enough for him and he wanted us to focus on something more realistic. But I had reasons, for myself, for him and for us (…) to keep going. I had already planned to continue in VN if this cycle failed. With top IVF hospitals, clinics and doctors in Hanoi, I was positive I would receive excellent care and with my family there, my overall health would greatly improve, which would lead to better results.
I bought a one-way ticket to VN in late October, just before my expected period so I could see a doctor shortly after it started. While I was preparing for this next chapter, our relationship had been badly damaged. But I really didn’t have time to think it through; I just knew I had to act quickly since I was turning 40 soon.
10 IVF cycles (8 egg retrievals, 2 cancelled on days 8 and 9 of stimulations). The numbers say it all… Still hopeful but hopeless at the same time.
Not related, but it’s not easy living with fear—silent but turbulent at times. Bear it, embrace it, befriend it, and pray, knowing that things shall pass.
In the worst situations, prayer, compassion, and gratitude are my navigators through struggles and miseries, without whining, “poor me!”
Worried that if there was a cyst, I would lose the chance to do the treatment. Luckily, the results turned out normal with 13 follicles on the left and 11 on the right.
Sat, 4/29 (day 1 of stim): 300 unit Gonal F (PM), 150 unit Menopur (PM), 100 mg Clomid
Sun, 4/30 (day 2 of stim): same doses, same time
Mon, 5/1 (day 3 of stim): same doses, same time
Tue, 5/2 (day 4 of stim): same doses, same time
Wed, 5/3 (day 5 of stim): Same doses, same time. Added 5 mg Letrozole (2 tablets).
– ultrasound and blood tests: one 12.5 mm on the left and one 13.3 mm on the right with many tiny follicles. It was good that there were no dominant ones.
Thur, 5/4 (day 6 of stim): Same doses, same time as on Wed, 5/3.
Fri, 5/5 (day 7 of stim): Same doses as Thur, 5/4, different time: AM: 300 unit Gonal F, 0.25 Cetrotide, and 5 mg Letrozole (2 tablets); PM: 150 unit Menopur
Ultrasound and blood tests: Not good. A dominant follicle appeared (19.7 mm on the right). The second biggest one on the left was 13.6, showing minimal growth compared to its size of 12.5 mm two days earlier. Additionally, Estrogen decreased from 331 to 281, indicating that follicles didn’t grow as expected, increasing the risk of the lack of ovulation. Was instructed to continue stimulation injections and go back to the clinic for ultrasound and blood tests the next day. If Estrogen didn’t turn around, the treatment would be canceled.
Sat, 5/6 (day 8 of stim): 300 unit Gonal F (AM), 0.25 Cetrotide (AM) and 150 unit Menopur (PM)
Ultrasound and blood tests: The dominant follicle jumped to 22.7 mm and the biggest second one was 15.7 mm. Other follicles were less than 10 mm and the scan showed they didn’t grow. However, Estrogen slightly increased to 336. Was told to continue stimulation injections and went back to the clinic for ultrasound and blood tests the next day; the possibility of cancelation was also mentioned. If I proceeded with the retrieval, the maximum number of eggs expected would be only 2.
Sun, 5/7 (day 9 of stim): 300 unit Gonal F (AM) and 0.25 Cetrotide (AM)
Ultrasound and blood tests: One 18.4 mm follicle on the left and one 25.5 mm follicle on the right.
Canceled the cycle following the doctor’s recommendation.
Going to have a consultation visit with the doctor on Tue, 5/30/2023 regarding an overview of the recent failed cycle and a protocol to be considered for the next cycle.
I still have 3 boxes of 300 unit Gonal F and 2 boxes of Cetrotide in the fridge. Need to remind myself to check the fridge’s temperature first thing in the morning to make sure it stays within the safe range. For the next cycle, I plan to buy enough medications around the ultrasound and blood test time, instead of buying all at once as my treatment can be stopped any time if the tests don’t show normal results. I actually tried this way last time because I wanted to avoid wasting medications, but ordering them was incredibly nerve-wracking. I spent hours anxiously on the phone, finally being able to talk to the pharmacy’s representative and place the order. I had been so worried that I wouldn’t have medications when I needed them. I then asked for the representative’s email in case I can’t reach anyone by phone next time. But I’m not sure if avoiding potential waste of money is worth the stress I experience. I can’t afford the risk of not having medications, especially on weekends and Monday mornings. The pharmacy doesn’t ship on Sunday but ships overnight during week days but the delivery usually arrives around 9 am the next day while I may need medications earlier in the morning – I typically take morning injections at 5 am so that S can leave for work after giving me shots.
I was utterly defeated each time our IVF failed but this time I’m not feeling as devastated. It’s probably because I still hold onto the hope and have chances to try again. And deep inside, my emotions have been crushed so profoundly that I told myself, “Enough is enough!” I can’t continue living a life feeling incomplete due to this any more. I need to live life to the fullest though it’s incomplete. Also, what truly helps me stay strong after the stressful experiences is that I no longer hate or get disappointed about myself. This is so meaningful as it allows me to enjoy life with all the blessings I have been given. In previous failures, I was struck by the double blow of the bitter disappointment from unsuccessful IVF attempts and the self-hatred.
My March went well with a lot of activities, fun and laughs.
Car AC changed
My car’s AC hadn’t been working right. It kept blowing hot air. I had been driving with the broken AC through most of the winter but on the hot days in late Feb, I couldn’t bear the heat, even with the windows open. And doing that made my pollen allergies worse. With no more room for delay, I took my car to Pep Boys to get it checked out. After waiting for a few hrs, I got 2 quotes, ~$1300 for just the AC unit replacement and ~$1800 for a whole new package. I didn’t care to look at the quotes’ breakdowns as either one was far beyond my expectation. When I told S about it, he wanted to fix it himself so that we could save some money. But after watching an instructional video on Youtube, he quickly gave up :D. We decided to order a new A/C device on Amazon for around $200 and look for a local auto repair shop to have them change it. The shop wasn’t far from our house, just a few minutes’ drive away. I left my car there on a Thursday evening and got it back on the following Tuesday. When S told me to check if the AC was working right, I said, “It’s fine,” after feeling cold air blowing out of the vents. However, upon driving it, he said it still wasn’t working correctly, so he went back to the shop. After the second fix, it is working greatly again and now I can enjoy my time on the road. Oh, I forgot, the total cost was around $700, almost half cheaper than one of the quotes.
Happy Numberth Anniversary!
Our anniversary fell on a busy weekday, so S and I decided to reschedule our celebration to the weekend. On the day of our anniversary, S brought home Peruvian lilies, white Lilies, and red Roses. They looked fresh. S isn’t a good flower buyer. The flowers he buys are usually wilted and droopy as spending more than 3 minutes picking something out means too long for him.
S wanted to surprise me with our anniversary celebration, so he kept the plan a secret. On Saturday, I wore a knitted long classic creamy dress with cap sleeves and a high neck, and paired it with a medium-sized black belt. I also picked out a shoulder purse, earrings, and peep toe ankle strap stiletto heels with purple accents. We parked the car under a building, and I still had no idea where we were headed.
As we walked further, I saw the river and a small cruise. I was thrilled and exclaimed, “Wow!” I turned to S and thanked him. We walked around the dock, taking photos while waiting for the crew to prepare for boarding. After checking in, we were guided upstairs, where recorded music was playing, and there was a band on the corner stage ready for performance. What an amazing surprise!
The band performed various love songs, both slow and fast-paced. There was a break between the show, and during that time, we went to the front of the ship to view the river at night. There wasn’t much to see, or maybe it was just me as I’m not a person inspired by nature sightseeing. The second part of the show was interactive, where guests danced under the dance instructions. A singer also congratulated couples celebrating their anniversaries and birthdays and we were asked to dance to a celebration song. I followed S, feeling embarrassed, awkward, and extremely unnatural. I had never danced like this before. We danced and sang at home but we made ourselves look silly and made fun of each other.
The cruise lasted for about two hours, and it was so quiet that I didn’t even feel like we were moving. We were also served food and drinks. The food was disappointing. We had chicken breast, rice pilaf, zucchini, and two grilled shrimp with a roll. The chicken was soaked in salt, and the shrimp was dry. The rice and zucchini were better, but the flavors weren’t special. However, the rich chocolate dessert and drinks were delicious.
Despite the mediocre food, the live band performance was the highlight of the night for me. I felt blessed for what S had done for our fun and memorable anniversary.
Citizenship Test
Mon, 3/27 – Two days before the test
I gathered all the necessary documents and made sure they were organized and ready to go. I reviewed my notes and practiced answering civic questions. Although I felt a bit nervous about the interview, I reminded myself that I had put in the effort to prepare and had done everything I could.
Next, I picked out 2 outfits for the interview in case one didn’t work for any reason at the last minute. The first one was black on black with a sheath dress and a soft jacket. I gained weight recently according to my IVF doctor’s advice, so I wasn’t confident about my lower belly. I covered it by wearing a long laced black scarf with fringes hanging down at the front and cinched it in a big-size golden belt. The second outfit was an A-shaped black dress with yellow and green stripes at the bottom paired with a loose collarless blazer featuring a large bow on the single bottom button. I added a gold cuff necklace with a big pearl pendant so that the top looked less boring.
Wed, 3/29 – Test day
I passed! I was a little embarrassed when I was the only one with a big bag of documents while the other applicants had just a thin file. My friend had also brought very little. But I didn’t want to take any chances of missing anything, so I had everything I could possibly need. I brought all the original papers required, along with additional evidence just in case. I even memorized the dates of my moves and my vacations abroad after watching a USCIS model interview video in which the interviewer asked a guy the dates he left and returned to the US. I knew I over-prepared, but for important events, it’s better to overdo than underdo as it will save me peace of mind.
The interviewer was really nice and made me feel comfortable and relaxed. He patiently answered my questions and even reminded me to consider the amount of time it would take to get my passport while applying for a full name change at the court. I told him that I didn’t need the American passport immediately and could always use my VN passport for traveling. He replied, “You need the American passport to get back to the US.” I burst into laughter because of my inexperience. I forgot that my green card would be taken back once I got the naturalization certificate.
After the interview, I was told to come back later for the oath of allegiance ceremony. While waiting, S and I went to a nearby Vietnamese restaurant for a late lunch. I got a specialty Pho and spring rolls, and S had crushed rice with grilled pork and bubble mango smoothie, which was funny that the waiter thought it was for me. I didn’t expect Pho to be so expensive now. It was $24 for the special bowl, which would be around $30 after tip and tax. By the way, it was delicious. The Vietnamese waiter, also a student, spoke with a northern accent, similar to me, which I don’t hear often here. One surprising thing was that he lived very near my parents’ house in VN.
When we got back to the field office, we entered a ceremony room where the blinds on the glass wall were pulled up so that my friends and family could “attend” from the other side. The host officer was very nice when he told us to face the glass wall so that those accompanying us could take photos of us while we were taking an oath. I looked over a few times to see if S was there, but I didn’t see him. I later found out that he was in the car, and the car next to his had blocked his view, therefore he didn’t see people gather outside the ceremony room. But it was Ok. When I pretended that I was upset because he wasn’t there, I was just teasing him to make him feel how important he was to me.
After taking the oath, the officers took photos of us individually. I was happy to have some nice photos to share with my family and friends.
On the way home, I sent the photos to MK, and she texted all of her friends to tell them I passed the interview. And then she forwarded their texts to me. I felt really embarrassed, but I felt blessed because of her love and attention for me.
IVF Thoughts
I got a call from the IVF office telling me that my appointment with the doctor had been canceled due to her being unwell. Honestly, I was relieved to hear that as I literally didn’t want to go. Though I was the one asking for the meeting initially. I had no idea what I should ask her after reviewing my previous rounds of IVF. Also, I doubted that her responses would be different from what I’ve known already.
The field of IVF is complex, and it often seems that there is no single answer to any given question or issue. No answer can guarantee a successful outcome, and I decided not to reschedule the appointment because I didn’t see a benefit of doing that. Also, S said he might be unable to take off work to go with me while I am uncomfortable attending the consultation alone.
As the expected retrieval week draws near (May 8th), I emailed the nurse to ask her what I need to do to prepare for the next round. With my period expected soon, I am unsure of what the IVF team will have in store for me this time around. Typically, it takes two cycles to begin stimulation. In the first cycle, I would normally take birth control pills to prime my ovaries for stimulation, and in the second cycle, I would undergo a baseline and ultrasound examination. If everything appears normal, the stimulation process would begin.
—
A few months back, after my third round of IVF got canceled, I decided to text a well-known IVF doctor from a Vietnamese hospital where we’ve been storing S’s specimens, and ask for an online consultation regarding our potential IVF treatment in Vietnam. It was upsetting that I didn’t receive a reply from him, but I understand that doctors there are incredibly busy, especially given the high number of IVF patients they tend to. However, his silence made me feel more unsupported and alone on this journey.
I Laughed A lot
S is so humorous. My friend, Rose sent me a photo of the letter “R” – her name’s first letter that her boyfriend lawnmowered to make it when he helped her cut grass in her yard. I showed that romantic photo to S and a few minutes later, I heard my phone beep. Checking it, I burst into laughter when I saw a photo of a note with the letter “P” – my name’s first letter he scribbled in it. Then my friend sent me another photo of her boyfriend’s shirtless fit upper body and also showed it to S. After a few minutes, my phone beeped again. S sent both my friend and me a hilarious photo of a muscular 6-pack shirtless bodybuilder but his head was replaced with S’s head. LOL!
It’d been a while since we’d last been to a Vietnamese restaurant, so I was excited to go last weekend. However, upon entering the restaurant named in Vietnamese, I noticed that the decoration was not traditional Vietnamese. The tall statues at the entrance and the burgundy tablecloths gave the impression that the restaurant’s décor was Thai-inspired. The waitresses were also not Vietnamese. Upon looking at the menu, I realized that the restaurant serves not only Vietnamese dishes from Vietnam but also foods from Laos and Thailand.
We ordered spring rolls and crispy wonton as appetizers. For the entrees, I had a special bowl of Pho, a national dish made with spiced beef broth, thin slices of beef, and herbs, and S had Bun Bo Hue, a spicy noodle soup specialty originated from the ancient royal city of Hue. While Bun Bo Hue’s broth tasted good, the meat was so tough and rubbery that S was unable to eat. It was even tough for me though my Vietnamese mouth is familiar with chewy food. I had to cut the meat into small pieces to be able to chew it.
It’s hard to find a traditional atmosphere at Vietnamese restaurants in our area, but we’ll try a different one next time, and see if we get lucky
My home-made Pho:
Wed, Jan 11, 2022
My period is coming if it follows the calendar. But the waiting is exhausting. I half hope for a miracle but remind myself to be practical. Life is never easy and 2023 will be a stressful and challenging year for me.
S has never agreed with my idea to have IVF treatment in VN. One of his reasons is concern that medical practices might not be as strict as they are in the US. This could cause mistakes, affecting the baby’s health. However, I think the real reason for his disagreement is that he simply doesn’t want me to be away from home for too long. Medical practices shouldn’t be his concern as I believe in the expertise of Vietnamese IVF doctors. Also, with my experiences in doing IVF in the US, I am confident I’ll be able to oversee the treatment process there on my own.
I had intended to have a heart-to-heart talk with him about this, not long after the New Year’s celebration. But the thought of having this talk was enough to make me overwhelmed as I have never been good at persuading people to agree with me, especially on ideas mainly based on emotions and personalities. I knew I had to be patient, waiting for the appropriate time but it was hard to shake the heavy feeling in my heart whenever that thought came across my mind. At times, when the stress became too much, especially during the time before my period, I couldn’t resist telling him I am going to VN no matter what.
One day, while on the phone with him, I brought my plan up again and surprisingly, he asked, “Will my two-week stay in VN be long enough for the treatment?” I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. He was on board with my plan without a big talk between us. At that moment, I felt a great sense of relief and gratitude. S has always been with me as a supportive and protective knight, caring for me in my most difficult times. He may not always agree with my ideas or thoughts but he will ultimately support what I want to do. Despite differences between us, his commitment to taking care of me and our marriage through tough times has never wavered.
The appointment turned out well, much better than I thought. It was the first time I had ever felt care and attention from my RE, whom I had previously been nervous, anxious and stressed about.
I had excitedly wished to see her at first. I had hoped the visit would tell us more about what happened to our Round 1, what else we needed to do to better prepare for Round 2, and clear information on the protocol to follow for that round. However, I had lost my enthusiasm for the appointment after waiting for a month. Moreover, during that time, I had already started taking birth control pills as directed by the nurse in preparation for the stimulation phase of Round 2. (I was unsure if it was a good idea for me to take birth control pills for an extended period of time at my age.) But surprisingly, the appointment ended up going well.
This time, instead of injecting various drugs with doses adjusted as needed, I would only be using Gonal F for stimulation, Lupron for ovulation suppression and a trigger shot. The doctor would not be adjusting doses; she explained that if my body responds poorly to the drugs, increasing the amount would not be very effective.
During the appointment, the doctor seemed surprised when I mentioned that in a few days it would have been 41 days since I started taking birth control pills. Answering my concern if it was ok to take the pills for that long, she assured me that it was not a problem. I had also asked the nurse about this before and received the same assurance.
We left the clinic, feeling more positive about our next treatment.
10/20/2022:Baseline ultrasound and labs for Round 2
19 follicles (11 left, 8 right)
Lab tests showed normal results.
Stimulation Phase
Day 1 (10/20/2022): Took Lupron (40 units) at 8:30 pm.
Day 2 (10/21/2022): 225 units of Gonal F (x2) and 20 units of Lupron (x2) at 5AM and 8:30 PM.
Day 3 (10/22/2022): Same time; accidentally took extra 75 units of Gonal F. The nurse instructed to subtract that amount from the PM dose.
Day 4 (10/23/2022): Same dosages, same time
Day 5 (10/24/2022): Same dosages, same time
Day 6 (10/25/2022): Same dosages, same time
Got the first ultrasound, showing 8 follicles (6.5-9.5mm). Sad!
Day 6 (10/26/2022): Same dosages, got injections 30 mins late in the evening.
Day 7 (10/27/2022): Same dosages, same time
Day 8 (10/28/2022): Same dosages, same time
The ultrasound showed a 25.7mm cyst on the right ovary; as well as 3 follicles (15.7mm and 13.7mm on the left, and 12.7mm on the right) and 2 small follicles (8.6mm and 6.3mm). So sad!
Day 8.5 (10/29/2022): Same dosages, same time for the AM dose
The nurse called me and said my progesterone were elevated, so I would not be receiving any more stimulation injections. Instead, I was to take a trigger shot at 10:30 PM that night.
In Round 1, I had used the trigger shot Pregnyl, but this time I chose Novarel, even though it was more expensive, in the hope of getting a better result. Each box of Novarel comes with one vial of 5000 units of powder and one vial of bacteriostatic water. I bought 4 boxes, 20,000 units in total.
To ensure that we were not rushed while administering a new drug, we began preparing 45 mins before the scheduled injection time. To administer 10,000 units, I would need 2 vials of powder. S diluted one vial of powder with 1cc of water, then injected the mixture into the other vial of powder and swirled it to dissolve the medication. Next, he drew the resulting solution into a syringe and replaced the needle with a smaller one, 27Gx1/2″. The prepared syringe was then placed in the fridge until injection.
Mon, 10/31/2022: Egg Retrieval
Procedure time: 9:30 AM
We were required to be at the hospital 2 hours before the procedure for admission registration, medical history checking, and pre-surgical instructions, etc.
2 eggs were retrieved (…) – I was at a loss for words to describe my feeling.
Tue, 11/1/2022: Zero embryo. Failed.
The embryologist called me and said one of the eggs was abnormal and the other was mature but didn’t fertilize. He was unable to determine the exact cause, but suggested that the sperm’s low binding rate (30% versus the normal average of 60%) could have been a contributor.
….
I began writing this post more than 2 months ago and didn’t finish it until today. It was just too overwhelming to think about how things had happened, what would be possible paths my life would take, and what I could and should do to improve my chance of success in the next round(s). We had a follow-up appointment with the doctor on November 10, 2022 ($157) to review the result of our Round 2 and discuss a new protocol for Round 3. While we exchanged a lot of information during the visit, much of it was not particularly helpful. We still don’t know which factors mainly caused the failure, as there were so many variables at play. However we all know that there is no guarantee of success in this IVF journey, despite our best efforts.
Round 2 was truly a nightmare to me both mentally and physically. I broke out in pimples all over my face and part of my neck. More terribly, I suffered a significant change in my mood. I wasn’t myself anymore. I felt extremely low during the stimulation phase. I became tremendously vulnerable and sensitive. I got easily irritated and couldn’t let it go. I cried everyday until the retrieval day. The doctor later said these mood changes may have caused by Lupron, which lowers estrogen levels in the body, triggering menopause-like symptoms.
Though S has been with me just as he always is, IVF is still a lonely journey for me.
Emptied the dishwasher, cleaned the kitchen sink, made a pot of black tea, did two loads of laundry, and folded clothes. I had sweet potatoes for dinner to make up to offset the sugary cookies I had earlier, even though I’d already hit my daily sugar limit.
On the days when I move/drive a lot, which isn’t often since I mostly stay at home, I am just so fatigue by the time I get home. I am dead sleepy, my energy gets insanely drained and all I want to do is to take a long nap or go to bed early.
Fri, 8/12/2022
We paid $4,044.62 for the IVF drugs for Cycle 1. If my baseline ultrasound shows good results today, I will start stim injections tomorrow. I need to read the instructions as well as watch how-to videos which I should have done a long time ago. I haven’t prepared well for this journey, both emotionally and physically.
I can’t blame anyone or anything except myself for this poor preparation. But I’m changing! One thing I need to seriously work on is to learn how to cope with anxiety, stress or panic attacks, which I recognized have been getting worse. I lose patience easily, boil with passive anger, and consequently can’t think straight or express clearly. This lack of control made me so disappointed in myself.
2:28 pm: Cleaned Sam’s litter box, vacuumed, ran the dishwasher and made a pot of black tea.
4:36 pm: Paid $586.07 for blood tests for E2 (Estradiol), LH (Luteinizing Hormone) and P4 (Progesterone Assay), and an ultrasound. I have been taking birth control pills (BCP) for 21 days (started on 7/23). Was thinking to email a nurse to ask about continuing BCP, what would come next and the name of the antibiotics we would take…Got a call from K. She said my tests look great and I can start 375 IU of Gonal F tomorrow night till Tues, 8/16/22. Then get blood tests again at 7:30 am, Wed, 8/17/22.
Sat, 8/13/2022
11:20 am: Did yoga, stopped by Rouses to buy fruits and drinks, made chili and two pots of black tea, ran the dishwasher, washed the vacuum’s filter and cleaned the vacuum.
…
We decided to get injections at 8:30 pm daily as we are both relaxed and alert around this time. Since tonight was my first time getting injections, I was so nervous. At 7:30 pm, S was still busy putting the door back, so we watched the educational IVF video 15′ late. I got distracted a lot as I had to keep getting up and moving around in order to prepare for the injections. The preparation included getting the drug out of the fridge, reading the info on the drug’s box carefully, checking my notes, getting alcohol prep pads and sharps containers ready. Though it wasn’t a lot, I just felt so overwhelmed and worried that I might be forgetting something. The video also confused us at times, causing us to take longer to finish watching it.
…
Moreover, just a few minutes before thescheduled injection time, S told me that I needed to get 2 boxes of drug out of the fridge, instead of just one. Holy sh*t! That meant we would have to wait an additional half an hour because the drugs should be at room temperature for that minimum amount of time before injection. Furthermore, while inspecting the quality of the drug pen, S accidentally dropped it around 24 inches onto the floor, despite being told to handle it gently. Anyway, the delay did allow us a chance to take a short break to calm down a bit.
At 9 pm, I lay on my back nervously waiting for S to give me the first shot. I could tell S was feeling nervous too. And right at the moment I saw him stick the needle into my skin, I knew immediately it would not be fun. It wasn’t the injection, it was like a stab. After the needle was inserted, he pressed down on the dose knob so hard that I could hear a forceful flow of medicinal fluid passing through my skin. Then he pulled the needle out quickly as if he were pulling a nail with a pair of pliers. The whole process only lasted for a few seconds but the sharp pain it caused was enough to make me cry out. Thankfully, the second shot was so much better.
Sun, 8/14/2022
The injections went smoothly on Day 2, were a little uncomfortable on Day 3, good on Day 4 and perfect on Day 5. S did all the steps fluently and professionally like a nurse. He let me know when he was about to insert the needle so that I was mentally prepared. He gently and steadily pressed the dose knob to release medicinal fluid, and removed the needle in the same way. Then he placed an alcohol pad on the injection spot, gently pressing it and massaging the area for a minute to help ease discomfort.
Brief information about Gonal F:
Gonal F is an injection Pen that delivers a prescription medicine containing follicle-stimulating hormone (FSH) to help ovaries develop (mature) and release an egg and cause your ovaries to make multiple (more than 1) eggs as part of an Assisted Reproductive Technology (ART) program. Unopened Gonal F is stored either in the refrigerator (36F – 46F) until the expiration date or at room temperature between (68F – 77F) for up to 3 months or until the expiration date, whichever comes first. Leftover Gonal F is stored either in the refrigerator (36F – 46F) or at room temperature (68F – 77F) for up to 28 days.
My nurse said each 300 IU pen has about 100 –125 IUs of overfill but when S and I looked at all of the 5 used ones, we hardly saw any leftover. S was confident that had given me the correct dosage (as the pen visually showed the needed dose before injection and “0” after it was completed). Where did all the leftover medicine go? I didn’t want to take a higher dosage than prescribed and the surplus of 100 –125 IUs in each dose seemed too much if it was in my body. When I took the used pens to the doctor’s office and asked a nurse to extract the remainder, she said the leftovers sometimes were hard to see and that my ultrasound and blood test results were normal, so no need to worry that I might have taken too much.
Wed, 8/17/2022
I paid $707.61 for E2, LH, P4, US tests and the previous balance. These tests were to monitor the growth of follicles.
I knew the prepaid IVF cost doesn’t include this monitoring fee but I didn’t question what “monitoring” meant when I read the contract. I simply thought it referred to the pregnancy stage after a successful embryo transfer. My ignorance is costing me an unexpected amount of around $450 every 2 days for this monitoring.
Fri, 8/19/2022
Paid $427.72 for the monitoring fee, $600 for 2 additional Gonal F pens. Nobody told me I needed more Gonal F until I emailed a nurse to ask about it. She said I had refills at the pharmacy. I called them, which usually takes a long time for someone to answer. The representative asked if I wanted a refill of Fyremadel, which hugely confused me because I’m not taking that medication. I told her that my nurse would’ve let her know which medication and how much I needed. The representative said that the nurse had only sent refills for all 5 drugs, which would have cost me more than $4k if all were refilled. I have made an decision to order 2 pens based on my adjusted dosages and the latest drug use calendar and paid $20 of shipping cost to have them delivered on Saturday. I was vey relieved and felt so lucky to be able to get this done at 5:20 pm. If I had done it later in the day, I might not get them on Saturday, or even worse, if I hadn’t done until the next day, I would not have a dose for Monday a.m.
Sat, 8/20/2022
The nurse adjusted my dosages. I would get two subcutaneous shots of 325 IUs of Gonal F and one 250 mcg syringe of Fyremadel in a.m and one shot of 75 IUs of Menopur in p.m. It was stressful to dilute the Menopur powder because right after S added the saline to the powder, it inexplicably disappeared. We looked at the vial again and again and still had no idea why it was empty. Having no time to find out what was wrong with it, S diluted another vial, which was fortunately successful that time.
Sun, 8/21/2022
Paid $300 for a Gonal F pen.
As my drug use calendar was only updated up to Monday morning, I only ordered Gonal F enough up to that period. Then I thought I should order one more pen just in case the nurse might say I would need it for Tuesday morning after reviewing the monitoring result on Monday. If I waited until Monday, it would not arrive in time before my injection at 5 am on Tuesday. So I decided to get one more pen in order to feel secure.
My IVF friend, D wasn’t as lucky as I. She ran out of doses for Sunday evening and Monday morning, and she was unable to reach any nurses by phone or email on Saturday. She then called the pharmacy but they said they didn’t have an order for refill. Even if she had the refill, she wouldn’t be able to get them in time as the pharmacy’s shipping agent doesn’t ship on Sundays. D’s only hope was that there might be some in the doctors’ office where she would have to drive 2 hours to get there, and there was no guarantee that she would be able to meet her nurses there to ask for additional doses. I texted her, “As long as there is someone in the office; they will have to do something for you.” I couldn’t imagine if it was me in this dilemma. Thinking about it only was enough to make me frantic. However, D remained remarkably calm and even texted me on the way to the office that she wouldn’t going to stress anymore over the meds. Fortunately, she were finally given 3 leftover dosages that other patients had donated to the office.
Sun, 8/21/2022
Thinking about D’s incidence, I just felt how lucky I was to have checked the quantity of my meds early enough, instead of waiting for and depending on the nurses’ instructions. I felt grateful to go through the most crucial treatment phase in a stress-free and balanced mood. My mind had been extremely turbulent in the week before I started stim drugs; and if I hadn’t got better, I could have failed in keeping track of all information about and updates on the meds, tests and medical visits. I thought the Higher Power had seen me being stuck in the inescapable feelings of being small, powerless, distressed and unfulfilled and had helped pull me out of that rabbit hole.
Mon, 8/22/2022
Continued getting shots and monitoring tests. ($464.53)
Tues, 8/23/2022
Same as the day before. ($452.17)
I still didn’t know when I would get the trigger shot and when my retrieval day would be. Running out of a p.m. dose of Menopur for the next day, I anxiously emailed my nurse to ask if I needed extras and to make it clear to her that I would be freaked out if I was in a situation where there weren’t meds when I needed them, and that I wanted to do everything I could to make sure that wouldn’t happen to me. She replied, “No worries, I have some here in the worst case.” Though I was still worried, especially after hearing about D’s experience, I trusted the nurse and waited for her next instructions on the meds for the next day, which would depend on my blood tests and ultrasound results in the morning.
Wed, 8/24/2022
A.M: got shots of 325 IUs of Gonal F and one 250 mcg syringe of Fyremadel
P.M: got the trigger shot of 10000 IU Pregnyl. The injection time was strict, so to make sure I would get the shot exactly at 9:30 p.m as required by the nurse, we started preparation 45 mins earlier, including reading the instruction, watching the educational video, checking the med and spent the last 7 minutes to mix the med.
Fyremadel is used to prevent the premature LH surge that might cause a premature release of egg cells. (LH, Luteinizing hormone, is a chemical in your body that spurs ovulation.)
Pregnyl is human chorionic gonadotropin (HCG), a hormone that helps stimulate follicles to maturity, so that ovulation can occur.
Thu, 8/25/2022
Had the last monitoring test. ($157 for E2, Bhcg and Venipuncture)
Fri, 8/26/2022
S took me to the hospital at 6 am, 2 hrs before the retrieval. I met a lady at the front desk first to provide identification and sign some consent forms. Then, I followed a nurse into a private room where I had my vital signs checked and answered medical questions about the name of the procedure, meds I have been taking, allergies, when I last ate or drank, and any jewelry I was wearing, etc…After checking my identification wristband, she took me to a shared big room divided by curtains where my main caregiver nurse was waiting for me. I changed into a hospital gown, and put all my belongings in a plastic bag provided by the hospital. The “room” had an adjustable bed with a pillow and blankets, and a TV for entertainment while waiting for the procedure. The nurse gave me an IV bag to avoid dehydration. Then the anesthesiologist came in to ask me some questions, inform me of potential side effects and check if I was wearing removable dentures. Finally, the physician who would perform the procedure showed up and introduced himself. He was warm, friendly and caring. He showed his interest in VN and complimented Vietnamese people. He even knew there is a large Vietnamese community in AL. S stayed with me during the waiting time and kissed me through his mask before I was knocked out by anesthesia and on the way to the operating room.
S informed me that we only got only 3 eggs after I woke up…
Sat, 8/27/2022
3 eggs were mature, 2 were fertilized successfully.
Sun, 8/28/2022
One embryo stopped division, the other fair grade one was developing into 4 cells with some fragmentation.
Mon, 8/29/2022
The embryologist informed me that the cycle was ended as the only remaining embryo had stopped growing.
The moment the embryologist called each day to update on the fertilization process was absolutely nerve-wracking. No matter how hard my heart was pounding or how profusely my hands were sweating, I still had to be calm during the conversation to fully understand our embryo’s status.
I was at a loss for words to describe my feelings. My mind was empty. Our IVF had failed before I mentally and emotionally prepared for it. S joked that we were going to hold the funeral for our two embryos, bought them tiny suits, mini caskets and a bunch of magnifying glasses so that our guests could see them one last time and say goodbyes. His humor was so funny that it made me burst out laughing, despite the sad circumstance we were in.
Begin life at forty 