I’m not sure where to start—there’s just so much I want to write about. Since August, so much has happened, and with November already coming, I feel like I really need to get my mind cleared and refreshed. This time has been intense and overwhelming, filled with fears, anxieties, and insecurities. But it’s also brought me so much love, happiness, and gratitude—more than I think I’ve ever felt before.
This year felt like a low point in our relationship. I couldn’t find connection and sensed a great distance between us. He was still supportive and protective, but the kind of closeness we used to have seemed to have gone. Our conversations stayed on the surface—often small talk and updates on our days. I lost sight of my role in the relationship. I was filled with doubt, lacking confidence, positivity, and happiness. But I couldn’t bring myself to ask him; I already had enough on my plate. I could only focus on one thing at a time, so I accepted things as they were.
I was living with fear, insecurity, and anxiety, praying every night for peace because that was all I could do at the time. Then an unfortunate event happened in the early days of August. We suffered loss but it was also a time I (maybe we) had also gained so much. I found my husband again, the same man I love. He was there—healthy, strong, and with the same resilient spirit I’ve always admired. He’s a fighter, always facing struggles head-on. As long as he remained the person I knew, I believe everything would eventually be fine though I didn’t know what would be waiting for us ahead. What I did know that we had each other, we were healthy and we were determined to find the fastest way to change the situation. And it was such an awe when he showed me how much he loves, needs, and values me. He kept telling me how important I am to him, and that I “define” him. All of these answered the questions I just couldn’t ask for so long. I had hesitated, fearing I might not get the answers I wanted or that I wouldn’t be ready to handle any unexpected truths. I kept my questions, insecurities, and doubts to myself. Amazingly, all my questions have unfolded without needing to be spoken.
You might wonder why I didn’t ask sooner. If I had, I could have saved myself a lot of energy, fear, and insecurity, since everything turned out to be much better than I’d imagined. In hindsight, it’s easy to think I should have just asked. But back then, the circumstance was just so different. There was a tense vibe between us back then—a quiet negativity that lingered in the air. It felt like just opening my mouth could be misinterpreted, like I was about to say something negative. It was as if a small talk could quickly turn heated, without meaning it to. Sometimes, it seems like every effort and intention backfires, and nothing we do works or even makes things worse. I felt powerless, so I chose to accept things as they were and focus on what mattered most to me at the time, while hoping for the best.
That event really helped me gain clarity on all my questions. Sometimes, the best action is to do nothing and wait for the right moment. It’s not easy, as it requires wisdom and trust in your instincts to recognize that moment. Once you identify it, you also need the courage to wait. Sometimes, it’s best to be patient and let things unfold naturally, just as they did for me.
By the end of August, things improved beyond anything I could have imagined. S was busy with job applications, interviews, and phone calls.
In September, he received multiple job offers with attractive salary packages, and the most lucrative ones were in big cities. This posted a challenge for us, as we were shocked by how high the rent and living costs were in those areas.
We did some research on house rentals in the area and were astonished to discover that we couldn’t find a single-family home for less than $3,000. Even if we were willing to pay around that amount, our choices would still be limited. This was shocking, especially since we currently live in a comfortable place where everything is affordable. When we bought our current home, it was relatively inexpensive, and we were fortunate to find a nice house in a good neighborhood at a fair price. So, finding out that it was impossible to rent a single-family home for under $3,000 a month left us feeling stressed. Housing prices were even more astonishing, with costs around $700,000 for few listings. Both of us are willing to work hard and face challenges. S is incredibly strong, resilient, and intelligent. However, we also recognized the need to be realistic. While we don’t shy away from challenges or obstacles, it is important to choose what would be best for us without unnecessary headaches or excessive effort, as we want to enjoy life as well. Challenges can be beneficial for a certain period, but if they become chronic, they are unhealthy.
Weighing all the pros and cons, S decided to accept an offer in a more affordable state. It wasn’t the best financially but the most suitable for us. First and foremost, he loves the nature and scope of the work, as it aligns with his expertise and experience. In this position, he focuses solely on engineering and technical aspects, which he has been doing comfortably for years. In contrast, the director positions he was offered would have required him to learn non-technical skills and adjust to fit those roles. Comfort is crucial. While financial considerations are undeniably important, a primary factor when accepting a job is whether someone can see themselves fulfilled in that role and envisioning a future there. I’m glad that S feels comfortable and assured in this position. Even though the overall benefits are slightly lower than those of other offers, and the career progression here isn’t clearly defined, it doesn’t matter as long as he enjoys what he does and our finances aren’t strained.
Second, this position is located in a more affordable state, especially regarding housing prices. When he received the director offers, I felt proud of him and pleased with our progress in the job search. However, I also recognized the pressure and stress he would face with the move. Since we rely on a single income, he is solely responsible for our finances. Given that we aren’t getting any younger and also have other mortgages, the situation became more challenging. For the new job, our relocation would not be too far, meaning a considerable amount of our time, money, and energy on the move will be saved. Plus, we are much closer to our in-laws; taxes are lower, and the cost of living is more pleasant.
House rentals in the new area are expensive though. However, honestly, S has never been fond of renting; he enjoys fixing and renovating homes. Working on the house after work is his hobby, and it’s a way for him to relieve stress. Also, being a renter comes with many restrictions that conflict with his passion for renovation. That’s why I understand that it’s important for us to buy a house rather than rent one.
Townhouses, condos, or apartments aren’t for us because they don’t have a yard, which we need for D&S. Plus, they don’t give us enough privacy we’re looking for. With our limited budget, we were looking for a 2000-square-foot single-family house on a decent lot in a decent neighborhood; plus it should be close enough to the workplace and other amenities. What a challenge!
I told myself that we didn’t need a nice home. We wouldn’t be worried about minor imperfections or damages—S actually prefers those because he wants to take on renovation projects. As long as there weren’t any major problems, like issues with the foundation, heating system, or leaks, we could handle everything else. We’ve made plenty of improvements and renovations in the past, so as long as we found such a house in a decent neighborhood, we could always make it better.
S’s a handyman, and I don’t mind cleaning and taking care of the house. While we don’t have much money, we’ve got time, dedication, skills and hard work. We can turn a house into a home, and I see imperfections as real advantages, making it more affordable for us.
Luckily, we finally found a house. It will need a lot of work, which we expected. It’s smaller than our desired size, but it’s adequate and meets our other criteria. I know that renovations won’t be cheap but we don’t have to tackle everything at once. We can take our time and do the work gradually, so we can enjoy life along the way.
The house is in a suburb close to a big city, which means life will be more lively and bustling compared to where we currently live. That excites me, although it might not be as appealing to S since he’s more of a private person. I enjoy social connections, even though I don’t always need to engage with people. Just the feeling of being part of a community is fulfilling for me. I find that simply witnessing the hustle and bustle—traffic, people moving around, and everyday activity—is enough to make me feel socially connected.
We scheduled the house closing for the first half of November. S took care of everything related to the home purchase, from working with the realtor to coordinating with the inspector and managing the loan application. I was really relieved that I didn’t have to go through that stressful process, especially with all the paperwork involved. Though I didn’t directly participate, we shared each step, discussing any issues we encountered, our concerns about the loan, interest rates, closing costs, and the house inspection report.
In October, S started a new job. While waiting for the house closing, he is staying in an Airbnb and I’m home packing and cleaning the house to ensure it is ready for rent. Though the new job is over eight hours away from our home, S drives home every weekend to help me clean and do small fixes the rental management agent suggested. He’s actually been working on the house since we bought it, and once we knew we were going to relocate, he was even more proactive in the repair work.
At the same time, S contacted several moving companies for quotes. His multitasking skills and time management are amazing while I feel ashamed because I struggle with these. As soon as he finishes his last workday, he drives home for over eight hours, which can take even longer if there’s heavy traffic. No matter how late he gets in, usually around midnight, he still wakes up early the next morning to get started on his tasks. He keeps a to-do list and works hard to check off as many tasks as he can. I’m truly grateful for everything he does and so proud of him.
Back to the moving quotes, we were shocked when one estimate came in between $14,000 and $17,000. Well, with that amount, we could furnish our new house with all new stuff. Searching for more quotes, we eventually found the most affordable option at around $7,000. Yet, we aren’t sure about the final cost, as it will depend on the actual number of boxes to be moved. With this quote, we will leave the couch behind since it will cost $1,000 just to move it, and honestly, the couch is old enough to retire. We appreciate that S’s company will cover the moving costs, which is a huge help.
This won’t be our first move; we’ve relocated several times before. Therefore, I know what to expect and have an idea of the workload ahead. In the past, we did everything ourselves for relocation. Back then, we were young and full of energy. Now, we’re both physically and mentally drained, so hiring a moving company will give us some relief and peace of mind.
I’ve packed everything up, clearing out all the cabinets, drawers, storage areas, and closets, but I haven’t sealed the boxes yet. I keep them open in case I need to grab something or double-check items. I’ve packed some kitchen essentials and pantry goods and left a few items out for my daily routine. We’ve also donated several bags to a thrift store and thrown away items we no longer need. There are a few things I might post online to give away or sell for a little extra cash. I really dislike clutter, so I enjoy the process of decluttering, whether it’s through donating or tossing things out.
S, on the other hand, is completely different; he likes to keep everything, even items he hasn’t touched in years. I jokingly call him “S Đồng nát,” similar to “Ông Đồng nát” (for men) or “Bà Đồng nát” (for women) in Vietnamese, which refers to someone who makes a living by collecting junk to sell for money. Though S doesn’t sell anything, he deserves this nickname because of his “hoarding” habit.
Our two-car garage is full of the tools and various items I can’t even identify. But he’s a great packer. Everything in the garage was packed in just one afternoon. If it was me, it would have taken a week because I’m much slower and my packing process is very different. He just threw things into boxes until they were full, without worrying whether items were arranged properly or if the boxes were too heavy. He doesn’t care about organizing or categorizing for easier unpacking later on.
For me, packing is an opportunity to reorganize, recategorize, declutter, and clean, items. It also gives me a chance to evaluate whether I really need certain things, which is why my process is much slower than his. However, both methods have their advantages, and in many cases, I think his approach is more efficient and less overwhelming, especially when dealing with a great deal of stuff under time constraints.
After moving, we know there will be a lot of administrative work to take care of, like updating our address with the post office, DMV, utility providers, banks, insurance companies, and subscription services. Oh, we need to schedule dental and medical appointments too. It will take time before we can settle in.
While we’re apart, we spend our evenings chatting on the phone, and I usually read a book aloud for us. Currently, we’re reading The Heart of the Buddha’s Teaching by the late monk Thich Nhat Hanh. I understand the general concepts and feel the influence of Buddhism in my life, but I never actively sought out books on the subject. He’s the one who finds Buddhist books for us to explore together. Our spiritual journey is something special in our relationship, which depends our connection. I don’t know much about the religious aspects of Buddhism but we love its philosophy. I strongly believe daily Buddhist practice through mindfulness helps us find happiness, relief, and inner peace. We try to nourish gratitude, compassion, and patience in our lives. It’s not easy, but it’s a wonderful path to follow.
Overall, August began with an irreversible turning point for us, marking the ups and downs we’ve faced since then. We’ve done our best to keep everything on track. As a team, S’s our leader, captain, and navigator, while S, D, and I have one mission: to give him lots of our love and trust. We’re still on this challenging path, but we’ll be alright because he’s an expert builder. Never forget that, my man!
Begin life at forty 