Begin life at forty

Tag: gratitude

  • May ramblings, 2023

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    ​​5/2: Chores

    Tidied up the living room, took out the trash, made a pot of black tea, burned Auroshikha natural gum benzoin incense, and cooked dinner which included spicy stewed beef, sauteed mixed greens with olive oil butter, and 2 sunny-side-up eggs. Then, fed Sam and Dozer.

    5/3: Overwhelmed about contacting Vietnamese consulate for visa renewal

    Went to the IVF clinic though I didn’t really want to. Felt lazy and unmotivated. Forgot to take a.m. supplements. Came home, did some household tasks, like emptying the dish rack, tidying up the living room, and folding clothes. Made a roast beef sandwich for S’s dinner together with blackberries and blueberries for dessert. Felt stressed just thinking about calling a Vietnamese consulate tomorrow for visa renewal as I hate dealing with paperwork with the Vietnamese authority. After reading numerous negative reviews about Vietnamese consulates and their services, it even stressed me out more. I totally don’t possess the necessary skills to navigate through this unsupported and confusing process. 

    5/8: Chores

    Did yoga, took daily supplements, cooked dinner, fed Sam and Dozer, loaded and ran the dishwasher, cleaned the kitchen, cleaned Sam’s litter box and ironed shirts. 

    5/9: Chores

    Went to Publix and got one whole ultimate multigrain sub and one whole meatball sub together with pepper jack and white cheddar cheese. I also got French bread which looked and smelled too good to pass up. It is great for a beef sub or dipping in condensed milk.

    5/10: Chores

    Took morning supplements, made a pot of black tea, read “Description and Setting”. The book provides some excellent tips and insights into crafting vivid descriptions and settings in writing. Then did yoga, cleaned the shared bathroom and changed the hand and face cloths. Also changed Dozer’s bed sheets, vacuumed and mopped the downstairs, did the laundry and ran the dryer. Continued to unload and load the dishwasher, boiled water and cooked steak, sauteed mix green and microwaved corn for dinner. Finally cleaned the kitchen, studied Math and took p.m. supplements.

    5/13: Chores

    Went grocery shopping, bought Nexxus shampoo and conditioner – I love them so much, their smell is so soothing and pleasant. Went home, put groceries away, changed bed sheets, fed Dozer and Sam, loaded the dishwasher and ran the dryer. Later made meatballs for dinner using ground beef, egg, milk, parmesan cheese, and a blend of spices.

    5/14: Chores

    Made tomato sauce and spring rolls. I hate a messy countertop, so I always make sure this space is clear and has plenty of room for me to conveniently and comfortably prep food. Then I cleaned Sam’s litter box.

    5/18: Read “Deadly Emotions”. The book delved into the intricate connection between our emotions and our overall well-being. Then booked a doggy hotel for Dozer. Took a hot shower which always makes me feel so relaxed and I’m grateful for those moments of pure enjoyment.

    5/20: Trimmed S’s hair and packed things for our upcoming short trip – actually S traveled for work and I would accompany him. Then I pampered myself by applying Uncle Bud’s hemp seed oil to revitalize, hydrate, and tighten my skin. Yesterday, I worked a few hours in the yard in the hot weather, so I gave my skin a little extra care.

    5/26: Tired of listening to superfluous, flowy flirts

    We haven’t talked to each other recently. I thought she knew I wasn’t interested in her sharing about her dates with every man she met online or in person. They weren’t actually dates yet; she barely knew those men but they flirted with her. It was too early to mind those dates and men since they were too new. She didn’t have much information about them and neither did they. What she felt “their love” were just merely words or actions, if any, that showed their interest in meeting her. I know any committed relationship has to have such first steps. But the way she talked about their dates (including those that have only been happening online for a few weeks) was like they were really into her. At our age, I see that thought as shallow. I wasn’t interested in listening to superfluous, showy flirts those men said to her, especially when she didn’t take them seriously either. Why waste our time? I love to hear about her relationship if she shows me her seriousness or interest in that guy, instead of updating the guys who she thinks are “chasing” her, which may be not true in reality, or too early to question if they are serious or not.

    5/28: Mixed emotions

    Woke up feeling down due to the uncertainty surrounding my period and fertility journey. Had oatmeal with banana paste for breakfast. Made S his favorite drink, lemon juice with ginger and a pinch of salt to celebrate S’s exam success. Then I went to Burlington and bought a bunch of Asian snacks including coffee candy, latte candy, chewy ginger, tiramisu waffles, and jelly marshmallows. Was happy to have found a beautiful decorative tray there at a clearance price of just $5.

    Still felt low though. Forgot to put the washed clothes into the dryer, mistook Saturday for Sunday, and almost forgot my sister’s birthday. I missed my city life in VN where I had a few good friends to hang out with. We talked over tea and coffee, we explored aesthetic coffee shops in SG, we went shopping and visited theaters; we had meals, attended weekend public events and celebrated national festivals together. Those times were so wonderful and memorable. I also missed my alone time at a book coffee shop or a serene piano coffee shop where I sit to work instead of going to the office. I missed the taste of rum coffee or Vietnamese bold viscous coffee with condensed milk, brewed in a small metal filter. I found solace in those moments of solitude, accompanied with nostalgic music and the bittersweet flavors of coffee. In the midst of unknown directions, these solitary moments provided me with a sense of peace.

    Throughout the day, sadness and even a tinge of misery loomed over me until I came across an article about a destitute elderly man battling three types of cancers for over a decade. The perpetual treatment has immensely drained him physically, emotionally and financially. His plight was a wake-up call that reminded me how fortunate my life is despite challenges and difficulties. I felt better because I understood how much luckier I am than so many others who are less unfortunate.

    5/29: Chores

    Took Dozer to a park near home. Later, I folded clothes, put away the dishes, cleaned the kitchen, and went to Walmart for groceries. My lower back hurt after hours of pulling weeds. Felt better after using a heat pad, one of our must-haves in the medicine cabinet.

    5/30: Gardening

    Was happy my blanket flowers looked fresher and more revived. Two days ago, they didn’t look great. Their leaves drooped and dehydrated and some roots were exposed. I watered the flowers, added more soil so that the ground level wasn’t too low compared to the level of soil around the flowers, then pressed it down firmly. I also added some fertilizer, hoping it would help them recover. At first, I was worried that maybe I hadn’t planted them right as I had never done that alone before. But then I felt hopeful when I googled why newly-planted flowers looked wilted and found out that it’s not unusual for them to go through a bit of shock when transitioning from a pot to a flower bed.

  • How have I found my inner strength?

    I started my life’s new chapter in a new role with unprecedented responsibilities after I moved to the US. That was to become a full-time homemaker and my wholehearted mission was to keep our marriage happy and healthy. S makes us a house; I make it home. My daily chores include cooking, cleaning, doing the laundry, grocery shopping, taking care of pets and paying bills among loads of other unnamed, unseen, trivial duties. However, as an inexperienced, stay-at-home immigrant, it took me a great amount of time to do those since I had to learn how to do it right. I learned how to cook American foods, ways to clean/decorate expertly, tips to shop frugally and wisely, and many other life skills in the country where life seems opposite to one in my homeland and my upbringing. I also learned about American culture, social norms, principles and laws so that I could confidently integrate into society.

    Staying at home is a priceless chance for me to hit a pause in my life. I could observe the world and my inner self rather than be spiraled into a fast-paced life like a hamster hysterically running on a treadmill. Observation in stillness has changed my shallow and limited perceptions about life in a deeper and broader manner. I could peel off layers of illusions about life to see it as it is, sweet or bitter, rough or smooth. Right view of life and myself has helped me realize my inner power that I ignorantly thought had never existed. That endless source has transformed my old submissive, credulous self into a confident and valiant individual.

    Staying at home has granted me an enormous amount of time teaching myself anything I thought necessary. I had never been a true learner throughout my student life in Vietnam. Therefore, I have tried hard when I was lucky enough to be able to immerse myself into study again. I value experiences and knowledge as those, from my perspective, significantly contribute to right observation. They all have encouraged me to be true to myself and to everyone.

    Deep in my heart, I owe a debt of gratitude to my dear man. Without his full commitment to our marriage, his leadership and financial responsibility in our family, and especially his support and understanding, I should have been part of a hectic life and probably never had a chance to be who I am today.  

  • Food for Thought (2)

    Source: Ageless Wisdom by J.S. Felts, and the Internet, especially Reddit. Great thanks to the authors and all those who have generously shared these wonderful quotes.

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    68. Never put off tomorrow what you can do today.

    – Thomas Jefferson, letter to Thomas Jefferson Smith, 21 Feb 1825

    69. When angry, count ten, before you speak; if very angry, a hundred.

    – Thomas Jefferson, letter to Thomas Jefferson Smith, 21 Feb 1825

    70. It is easy to fly into a passion – anybody can do that – but to be angry with the right person and to the right extent and at the right time and with the right object and in in the right way – that is not easy, and it is not everyone who can do it.

    – Aristotle, Nicomachean Ethics

    71. Do not teach your children never to be angry; teach them how to be angry.

    – Lyman Abbott, The Christian Union, 11 Sept 188

    72. Emotions, without knowledge, is dangerous

    – J.S.Felts

    73. A good scare is worth more to a man than good advice

    – Edgar Watson Howe, Plain People

    74. Knowledge is the antidote to fear

    – Ralph Waido Emerson, “Society”, Society and Solitude

    75. Those who fear nothing, love nothing.

    – Saying

    76. Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear – not absence of fear

    – Mark Twain, Pudd’nhead Wilson

    77. The less you respond to negativity, the more peaceful your life becomes.

    78. Grief is itself a medicine.

    – William Cowper, “Charity”, Poems

    79. He that lacks time to mourn lacks time to mend.

    – Henry Taylor, Philip Van Artevelde

    80. I look at what I have not and think myself unhappy; others look at what I have and think me happy.

    – Joseph Roux, Meditations of a Parish Priest

    81. If people only wanted to be happy it would be very easy; but they want to be happier than other people, and this is almost always difficult, because we imagine other people happier than they really are.

    – Charles de Montesquieu, quoted in Montesquieu (1888) by Albert Sorel

    82. Learn to trust the journey, even when you do not understand it. Sometimes what you never wanted or expected turns out to be what you need.

    83. Who does not thank for little will not thank for much

    – Estonian Proverb

    84. It takes less time to do a thing right, than to explain why you did it wrong.

    – Saying

    85. Never be so brief as to become obscure.

    – Tryon Edwards, A Dictionary of Thoughts

    86. They may forget what you said and they may even forget what you did, but they will never forget how you made them feel.

    – Saying

    87. Never tell people how to do things. Tell them what to do and they will surprise you with their ingenuity.

    – George S. Patton, War As I Knew it

    88. If you command wisely, you’ll be obeyed cheerfully.

    – Thomas Fuller, Gnomologia

    89. A leader is always learning. He understands everyone has something to teach him.

    – J.S. Felts

    90. A leader is not ruled by his emotions, yet he is not without passion.

    – J.S. Felts

    91. Leadership is based on inspiration, not domination; on cooperation, not intimidation.

    – William Arthur Ward

    92. There is a great man who makes every man feel small. But the real great man is the man who makes every man feel great.

    – G.K. Chesterton, Charles Dickens

    93. Better to measure ten times and cut once, than measure once and cut ten times.

    – Saying

    94. In everything you do, consider the end.

    – Saying

    95. Some people will never learn anything, for this reason, that they understand everything too soon.

    – Alexander Pope, Thoughts on Various Subjects

    96. The way to develop self-confidence is to do the thing you fear to do, and get a record of successful experiences behind you.

    – William Jennings Bryan

    97. Until you learn to control your emotions, you will never control your life.

    – J.S. Felts

    98. He is happy, whose circumstances suit his temper; but he is more excellent, who can suit his temper to any circumstances.

    – David Hume, Moral Philosophy

    99. He who requires much from himself and little from others, will keep himself from being the object of resentment.

    – Confucius, Analects

    100. Where it is in our power to do a thing, it is equally in our power to abstain from doing it.

    – Robert Browning, “Bishop Blougram’s Apology”, Men and Women

    101. Change is not made without inconvenience, even from worse to better.

    – Richard Hooker, quoted in A Dictionary of the English Language (1755)

    102. To do two things at once is to do neither.

    – Publilius Syrus, Sententiae

    103. The point of an argument isn’t to find a winner, it is to find the truth. (Me: It is to understand each other and each other’s thoughts on the matter.)

    104. Even in the chaos of everyday life, moments of gratitude remind us to hold on to the good things.

    105. Remember that what you now have once among the things you only hoped for.

    106. Happiness is not having what you want. It is appreciative what you have.

    107. Be a kind person. Yes, even to jerks. Let them be a jerk. You be a kind person.

    108. Respect people’s feelings. Even if it doesn’t mean anything to you, it could mean everything to them.

    109. The art of knowing is knowing what to ignore.

    110. Maturity begins when you can be right without having to prove the other person wrong.