My tenth cycle, the last one, was something I hadn’t planned for. Before the ninth cycle, I thought it would be the last one. After almost three years of intensive treatments—6 egg retrievals, 2 canceled ones on day 8 and 9 of stimulation, 10 rounds of anesthesia, countless injections and medications, all I was able to get was just one extremely poor day-3 embryo. This bleak outcome, severe pain after egg retrievals in the later cycles, and an strained marriage were all wakeup calls for me that it was time to stop. The emotional and physical pain made me feel like I was losing myself. After all the repeated failures I started to accept that I might never become a mother to my own child. There may be questions about my resilience—or stubbornness, to some—but I have my reasons for pushing forward with this journey.
During this time, I started to consider the option of using donor eggs. I wasn’t entirely sure about this path, but I wanted to gather some information and start preparing. In VN, finding egg donors is pretty easy. Many services help with the entire process, from selecting donors to handling the egg retrieval. The cost for eggs from young, tall, good-looking donors who are students from prestigious colleges is around 45 million VND (~$1800).
The service provider is responsible for verifying the donor’s identity, criminal records, medical history, and other necessary documents to ensure they are clean. It sounds perfect, though I’m not sure about how legitimate the process is, as it’s not uncommon for documents to be fake.
I also talked to my cousin and asked if she would consider donating her eggs. She was incredibly kind and agreed to help me.
However, with the positive result from the ninth cycle, I wanted to build on that progress. As I mentioned in my post about the ninth cycle, the next cycle was still within the window where PRP and HGH were still effective, so I didn’t want to miss this opportunity.
For the tenth cycle, I needed more HGH. However, due to the high demand and scarcity of the drug, I had to pay extra.
I had also been getting acupuncture six days a week and tried Glutathione drips. This drug is available in oral, injection, or drip and is commonly used for patients recovering from cancer treatments or with liver inflammation for detoxification. It is also used in the beauty industry for skin brightening. In IVF, it’s believed to potentially improve the quality of eggs and embryos.
The benefits of the medication aren’t clear, and opinions on it vary. But with IVF, it’s often a process of trial and error, and the results are uncertain. The protocols and methods used depend heavily on the doctor’s experience and personal approach. I just wanted to try everything possible to hopefully improve the outcome.
In VN, I bought this drug directly from a pharmacy without a prescription, and then paid about $2 for a nurse to give the drip. The price of Glutathione was around $10 for a 1200 mg dose, which is relatively cheap for a single use. However, like supplements or other assisted methods, it’s usually recommended to use it for a certain period, like 3 months, before seeing any effects. So, when you factor in the total duration of treatment, the overall cost can add up.
Despite all my hope and efforts, this last cycle unfortunately ended up with no fertilization and no embryos. That was it. For me, it was more than enough. I no longer questioned if I had tried enough. I accepted the failure with peace.
To get ready for the transfer, the doctor suggested a scan of my uterus to check for any issues. I agreed and stressed that I wanted a thorough look to make sure nothing would mess with the transfer or a potential pregnancy. I didn’t look at what he wrote on the order form when I left his office, but later I freaked out when I saw ‘Mổ nội soi OB’. I guessed ‘OB’ meant my abdomen, and ‘Mổ nội soi’ was like laparoscopy, a somewhat invasive procedure that involves a small incision for a camera device to check the area. I totally wasn’t expecting that! I really hate surgery and try to avoid it whenever possible. I immediately told him that the uterine sonography would be enough for me, and he agreed. I thought my request for a “detailed examination” might have caused confusion, that’s why he had changed the order to accommodate my “preference”.
Two days after the procedure, I flew back to the US with a one-way ticket due to a sudden situation. I hoped to return to VN soon, ideally within two months. But honestly, everything was so unpredictable and out of my control back then, and I had no idea what was waiting for me back home.
My IVF journey, after 10 cycles, is finally on pause, with my three day-3 embryos. Finally I’m able to have the first transfer. I never thought I’d make that far, nor did I expect the emotional toll it would take on me. I have given everything I/we had for this – our money, and my physical and mental health, so I know I’ll never regret not trying enough
Begin life at forty 