Two weeks before my baseline ultrasound and blood tests, I was nervous and anxious about my upcoming cycle. It was the first time I found myself emotionally and physically unavailable for the treatment, feeling negative and doubtful. I wasn’t certain if I could proceed with the treatment.
My immune system was badly affected by allergies, despite it not being an allergy month. While helping S build two flower beds in the backyard, I might have exposed to allergens or fungi when touching the old soil and decayed leaves. I ended up with constant runny nose and relentless sneezing, which forced me to take Clarins even though I didn’t want to. Additionally, I experienced swelling in one spot of my gum for unknown reasons, slow healing of a scratch on my hand caused by Sam, and sudden pain in my left knee joint. My muscles were stiff and my entire body tensed up.
S took me to a spa for a massage, which provided temporary relief. However, I still felt exhausted, and deep down, I sensed that my body wasn’t fully prepared for the treatment. I hesitated to order stimulation drugs, unsure if the baseline ultrasound and blood tests would provide the green light to proceed. It was the first time I mentally prepared myself for the possibility of failure right from the start.
The test results revealed active cysts in both ovaries and a high estradiol level of 128 pg/mL, surpassing the expected 50 pg/mL. Therefore, the doctor decided to cancel my cycle and put me on birth control pills, Norethindrone Acetate and Ethinyl Estradiol (1.5 mg). I started taking these pills on 6/26 and will discontinue them on 8/7. However, I am not fond of being on birth control pills, especially for an extended period. I had expressed my concerns regarding the risk of ovary over suppression multiple times to the doctor, and while she understood, it seemed she didn’t weigh that risk as heavily, considering the benefits it provides in preventing cysts and facilitating the clinic’s scheduling.
I felt trapped, unsure of how to strike a balance between resolving the cysts and ensuring that my ovaries respond well to the medications. Given my age and the past negative experience with prolonged use of birth control pills in the second round, I worried that I would encounter the same outcome in the future. When I asked about an alternative to birth control pills, the nurse mentioned the possibility of using long Lupron, but she added without an explanation that the doctor might not want that option for me. I was advised to talk with the doctor to understand possible solutions she could offer. This means I would have to book an appointment with her and wait for at least a month for the appointment. I hesitated to do this because though we previously discussed how to avoid the development of cysts during the stimulation phase, we have never talked about how to resolve cysts that occurred before stimulation injections. This is the first time I’m experiencing active cysts before stimulation, so I persuaded myself to try not to overthink or overanalyze the situation and to follow the professional instructions without questioning, believing that the medical team is providing the best care they can.
Begin life at forty 