Daily Life – Page 8 – Begin life at forty

Routine – Wed11302022

To do:

– Draft a letter

– Change the bed sheets

– Tidy up the living room

– Clean the kitchen

– Put outlet cover plates back on the wall

– Store cooked rice in containers

– Clean the front porch

– Go to Walmart (maybe)

November 30, 2022

Routine – Nov12-16, 2022

Wed, November 16, 2022

To do:

– Make 2 pots of black tea

– Look for a painting for S’s office

– Stew beef

– Fill out the application

– Call the insurance provider

– Do the laundry, run the dryer and fold clothes

Tue, November 15, 2022

AM:

7:50: Unloaded the dishwasher

9:04: Vacuumed the upstairs, cleaned the carpet, and change Dozer’s bed sheets

Mon, November 14, 2022

PM

– Cleaned the 1/2 bathroom

– Folded clothes

– Tidied up the downstairs

– Unloaded the dishwasher, cleaned the kitchen

– Vacuumed the downstairs

– Replaced a home air filter

Sun, November 13, 2022

AM:

– Cooked pork belly in coconut water

– Made 2 pots of black tea

– Did laundries and folded clothes

Sat, November 12, 2022

12:38: Made a dog boarding reservation, checked and signed documents

2:07: Prepped food, unloaded and ran the dishwasher

4:18: Tidied up the multi-functional room

5:20: Cleaned Sam’s litter box

5:34: Cooked dinner, did the laundry/folded clothes

November 16, 2022

Routine, Sat110522

AM:

8:40: Ran the dishwasher

8:50: Did the laundry/Ran the dryer

9:00: Sewed curtains

PM:

1:42: Made 2 pots of black tea

8:30: Cleaned the kitchen

_{Today I ate:}

– _{Breakfast: pork congee, cup of coffee milk}

– _{Lunch: blue berries, one apple, and leftover dinner}

– _{Dinner: pork, rice, broccoli salad and steamed shrimp}

– _{Snacks: 5 candies}

November 5, 2022

Routine, F110422

PM:

3:13: Made a pot of black tea

3:23: Unloaded the dishwasher

3:45: Vacuumed the first floor

5:37: Cleaned Sam’s litter box

5:53: Cooked dinner

7:38: Cleaned the kitchen

November 4, 2022

Silence is not a punishment

She doesn’t feel care or attention from him.

She feels like she’s not his motivation anymore, but a sack of burden, an irritating eyesore and the cause of all of his discomfort instead.

They are living in two different worlds where his or her concerns aren’t their concerns. She has been in pain emotionally and physically but she doesn’t think he is sensible to what she’s been going through. He’s busy all the time; she looks healthy and her inside injury is unseen.

They should be open to each other about their thoughts, she knows that but this is not the time. There are moments when, whatever she does, it always fails though it comes with a good intention. There are moments when silence is better than words, when doing nothing means doing something. When there are moments like this, coming back to her inner-self is all she longs for.

Silence is not victim playing. She is a victim of her self loathing because she lets the feelings of disappointment, frustration, misery and pessimism take control of her, eating her from inside. She has been taught not to react to an attack with an attack back but she’s still struggling to not react to her own inner negative emotions induced by the occurrence. She is silent because she’s suffering and needs time to heal.

Silence is not avoidance. She doesn’t mind a face-to-face conversation but after enough talks she understands that the difference in some of their thoughts and perceptions is unchangeable. Her silence means acceptance which is the best she can do for herself and their relationship right now.

Silence is not a punishment but a defense mechanism instead. She doesn’t allow herself to hurt anyone in any form, especially slinging mean words because she deeply understands they have the power to shatter a person’s soul. She will choose silence to create her boundary when dealing with someone’s disrespect rather than throwing it back at them. In that boundary, she feels safe and grounded. A few times, she yelled at him when she was triggered or had bad anxiety; she felt so bad about herself after that. She didn’t feel wrong but she hated herself when losing self-control.