We tried to squeeze in some short vacations during our time in Vietnam amidst medical appointments. The first destination was Mai Chau—a mountainous area, a three-and-a-half-hour drive each way from Hanoi.
When we were near the tourist place, we made a pit stop at a roadside rest area. There, they offered a variety of food and snacks. We opted to savor three distinct treats: grilled eggs, grilled pork, and sticky rice cooked in bamboo. While the eggs were kind of meh, just like regular boiled ones. But the pork was something else, marinated to perfection. The Sichuan pepper (hạt mắc khén) gave it a rich flavor, complemented by the delightful aroma from charcoal grilling. Explaining why the meat tasted exceptional, the seller said it comes from pigs raised naturally on wholesome feed rather than industrial fare. According to him, these pigs grow slowly and weigh less than the typical ones. The last treat was sticky rice which was truly delightful—soft, tender, and sweet. Since lunch was around the corner, I had to hold back from overeating. Meanwhile, S was trying pickled hot peppers. These tiny things were crazy spicy but he loved them. We bought two jars and later found out we got ripped off; each jar was double the price in the central tourist area. Bye-bye that place – won’t be seeing us again.
Right after that, we headed to the center for lunch. Vietnamese people have a deep passion for food, and we were eager to explore various cuisines during our trip. My sister picked a restaurant that she previously had a pleasant experience with, and we quickly ordered steamed snails, grilled chicken, and grilled fish. These snails, according to the owner, unlike river snails, live in the mountains, eat grass only. Therefore, they are considered a clean source of food. The grilled chicken, stuffed with fragrant Indian wampee leaves (lá mắc mật) had an enticing flavor, but honestly, I preferred the leaves on their own. The charcoal-grilled fish smelled amazing. We paired it with herbs, veggies, and wrapped it all in rice paper, dipping it into a delicious sweet and sour fish sauceof sugar, vinegar, garlic, and hot peppers.
Well, Americans typically avoid bones and prefer boneless meat. Whole fish or chicken are not commonly consumed. Snails are also not on their menu. But since we’re exploring Vietnam, I wanted him to experience as much authentic cuisine as possible. Anyway, he’s not much of a food enthusiast and finished eating quickly. While we enjoyed the dishes, he wandered around. The area had various shops with everything from toys and bags to blankets and crafts—a collection of miscellaneous and eclectic things. Among these, there were many embroidered products, making me ponder whether they were locally made or possibly imported from China for cost-effectiveness and convenience rather than being locally crafted.
Following lunch, we grabbed an electric car to check out the ethnic villages. It cost us $18 for 8 people. (The prices, displayed on the vehicle, are set per person. Kids ride without any charge).
From the vehicle, we enjoyed a beautiful, sunny, breezy afternoon and took in the landscape with its mountains, rice fields, buffaloes, and stilt houses. The mountains are stunning but the rice fields don’t leave much of an impression since they were bare at that time. Stilt houses, a distinctive feature in mountainous ethnic regions, stand out with their unique design. They are crafted from wood, featuring steps leading to the first floors, supported by pillars.
As we passed through each village, we came across numerous shops lining the road, displaying a diverse array of items. We made a quick stop at one store, where S bought a thin blanket at $6.50. Soon after, women adorned in ethnic attire invited us to join them in a traditional dance. The dance is called “nhảy sạp”. In this dance, two equal groups of people, each holding a stick in their hands. With the music playing, they bring the sticks together and dancers swiftly leap in. Subsequently, as they pull the the sticks apart, dancers leap between the gaps. The sticks’ movements create a lively, rhythmic pattern that is in harmony with the music.
We passed through 4 or 5 villages, and then the driver brought us to a bamboo forest to witness bamboo flowers. He said it’s this rare thing since they only pop up when the bamboos are on their last legs. Not sure if that’s true, but it got us curious enough to pay some extra fee for him to take us there. Upon arrival, it wasn’t exactly a forest; rather, it was more like a bunch of bamboo bushes. Only one of them was in bloom, and the flowers were tiny. They hung together like little strings, but due to their small size and the height of the bamboo, I couldn’t snap a decent photo or fully grasp the beauty of the flowers.
I was eager to explore further, thinking we were still en route to the final spot, an ethnic community for some cool activities. However, my sister said this was it; the tour was done. Unbelievable! We just cruised through the villages on the main road, did quick stops at only two or three shops, and checked out just one stilt house. Though the end of the tour was unexpected, it’s still a hilarious surprise.
The driver then brought us back to where our car was parked. S discreetly gave him some tips, following my advice not to let my mom see it. In Vietnam, tipping isn’t the norm, and my mom strongly believes it’s a waste of money, so it’s better to keep it quiet.
On the way back, we intended to visit a Vietnamese steak restaurant, however, S just wanted to get home as quickly as possible. All that sitting, be it on the flights and in the car, really took a toll on him.
Despite not being particularly impressed by the natural surroundings, I personally enjoyed the trip. It was a chance to make lasting memories with my family. Plus, savoring the local eats was a highlight for me. On the contrary, S wasn’t too fond of the tour, saying that it was kind of staged, like a set up for tourists. He’s more into natural and spontaneous adventures.
November was incredibly busy for me, filled with a multitude of activitiesincluding medical appointments, vacations, exploring for gifts, shopping, and gatherings with friends and family. While it brought immense joy, it also had its share of stress and dark moments.
Here are several photos capturing intriguing and memorable moments from that month:
A street barbershop
A meat stand
Incense and handicrafts at artisan fair
Health care center
This spot is very similar to a massage salon. Massage is Vietnamized as “mát xa”, sounding quite similar. However, this place doesn’t use this term to refer to their services; instead, they use “xoa bóp” (rubbing and kneading) and “bấm huyệt” (acupressure). These services draw on Oriental health care methods to relax muscles and ease joint- or nerve-related pain. Honestly, there’s not much deviation from the typical massage, especially deep-tissue massage; it’s more or less the same. I initially visited this place for IVF acupuncture, but they were unfamiliar with it. I decided to try their “massage”, and it was fantastic. The attentive young lady took care of me with diligence and care, leaving me feeling remarkably relieved. The price was surprisingly affordable, only $10.32, without tips. Notably, they don’t accept tips, and if you register for a 10-session package, the price would be even lower, $2.06 less per session.
If you guys want a healthy massage (you catch my drift, right?), this kind of place is definitely worth a try. A key phrase for searching is “xoa bóp, bấm huyệt”.
A trash hauler
Trash is collected everyday, and the vehicle comes with a speaker to remind residents to take their trash out.
Mom’s fried chicken
It’s a staple in Vietnamese cuisine, enjoyed in daily meals and favored by many as a popular dish.
Salted coffee
Over it, I had a heart-to-heart talk with B. We need more talks to be able to fully share all aspects of our lives after years of being apart.
A bouquet of roses greeting S at airport
A cup of coffee, as bitter as my soul that night
A gift from coffee shop
The message reads “Apologies if our service hasn’t met your expectations.” How lovely and sweet!
Today, I’m going to share with you the ways to enhance your English voice, making it sound natural, effortless, yet powerful. This subject has lingered in my mind for months, but the right moment never seemed to come. Today, however, I’m feeling enough energy and motivation to delve into it, one that I’m deeply passionate about and have dedicated a countless amount of time, energy, and effort to master.
This post doesn’t detail the specifics of the IPA chart, sound reduction, sound connection, assimilation or elision as you are likely familiar with these topics, and there are ample free resources covering them. While these aspects significantly contribute to clear and correct pronunciation, instruction on producing individual sounds isn’t my aim. The ultimate goal of this sharing is to assist you in achieving a natural, effortless, yet powerful voice in American English. For this purpose, a more comprehensive approach is necessary, involving a thorough understanding of the physical aspects of speakingAmerican English.
To avoid wasting your time, kindly disregard this post if you have no concerns with your voice or no desire to reduce your native language accent or adopt a general American English accent. However, if you are grappling with any of the following issues, this post is a perfect fit, I believe, a game changer, that drastically addresses those challenges, ultimately boosting your confidence in expressing yourself with your own voice.
English learners, this post holds the solution to the following issues:
Voice-Identity Mismatch: You don’t hold affection for your voice and sense it doesn’t truly represent your authentic self.
Robotic And Rigid Voice: Despite your earnest efforts to improve your English, you find yourself unable to speak it naturally and effortlessly due to a lack of control over your articulators. There is an overuse of articulative muscles and surrounding muscles, causing restrictions and tension in the movement of the articulators.
Inflexible, Non-adaptive Voice: When you speak alone or in a small group, you sound fluent. However, you encounter difficulties in open spaces or crowds where louder speech is required. Your delivery becomes unclear and disjointed, primarily due to a lack of smooth and consistent transitions between pitches in your voice. The issue is rooted by the failure in maintaining stability in your articulators during speech.
Shallow, Flat And Weak Voice: Your voice lacks depth, energy, richness and fullness because there isn’t sufficient space inside your mouth, inadequate breath support, and a narrow or blocked vocal tract.
Native Language Influence: Despite your fluency with phonemes and dedicated practice of pronunciation rules such as sound reduction, connection or assimilation, your voice is still heavily influenced by your native language accent. While mastering phonemes greatly improves your English voice, understanding how the articulators function in American English speech is crucial for reducing your native accent.
Speaking Anxiety: Though you excel in vocabulary, grammar and sentence formation, you lack confidence in your English voice. This stems from difficulties in coordinating your articulators effectively. You get stuck in identifying a right approach to speaking fluently.
Native Speaker Listening Challenge: You have watched numerous movies, YouTube videos, or podcasts by English native speakers; however, comprehending what they say remains difficult. Apart from encountering new vocabulary, cultural aspects, or unfamiliar knowledge, the main hindrance to catching up is the lack of full understanding the physical features of American English speech, making it feel like they speak too fast.
Slower Speech Rate: This is affected by your native languages, such as Vietnamese. Speaking American English without changing or adjusting the way the articulators work based on your native language prevents you from speaking American English at a native speaker’s speed naturally.
Moving forward, let’s explore the physical aspects of American English, specifically understanding how the articulators work because they are the key to address those issues. While there are numerous documents on the Internet explaining articulators, they aren’t geared towards English learners. Instead, they target individuals, both native speakers and those seeking to enhance or modify their vocal capabilities. This post, however, is designed with a focus on English learners, yet it can also provide valuable insights for native speakers facing similar challenges or for those in the transgender community.
The articulatory system shown in the picture below encompasses 1) lips, 2) teeth, 3) alveolar ridge, 4) hard palate, 5) Soft palate, 6) tongue, 7) jaw, 8) nasal cavity. In this post, rather than analyzing the features or functions of each articulator, I will concentrate on the characteristics of American English based on how these articulators work. This approach, I believe, provides a practical and solid guide for improving your voice.
Image source: Internet
When speaking English, keep in mind the following key points:
1. Open the mouth vertically rather than horizontally. Doing this will elongate your vocal tract, automatically open the back of your mouth, making your voice deeper and fuller. Horizontal mouth opening narrows the oral space, hindering the tongue’s free movement due to limited space.
2. Move the jaw back and forth, not up and down. During this motion, the lower jaw slides smoothly on the hinges (TMJ) located in front of the ears. Be aware that the movement should be gentle and within a small, controlled range rather than the full extent of its motion.
3. Position the tongue towards the front of the mouth, in proximity to the lips, teeth and alveolar ridge. This positioning facilitates easy pronunciation of consonants and ensures a smooth transition between syllables.
4. Slightly purse the lips when speaking. This way will help maintain a vertical mouth shape.
5. Expand the back of the mouth. Elevating the soft palate, keeping the throat open, and relaxing the neck will aid in opening up the space at the back.
6. The articulatory muscles should relax during speech, especially those in the tongue, neck, throat, and around the cheek areas.
7. The deeper breath, the louder the voice becomes. When you need a louder voice, ensure inhalation reaches deep into the diaphragm.
8. The vocal tract comprising the laryngeal cavity, the pharynx, and the oral cavity should be clear. Avoid blocking the vocal tract while speaking unless it is necessary.
Ensure your voice remains consistent for a natural, effortless, yet powerful sound. To achieve this, maintaining stability and smooth cooperation between articulators is crucial for the desired result. Regardless of the sound produced, the articulators should return to their original positions that I mentioned above after adjusting for different sounds. This secures articulator stability throughout speech.
I hope you now have a clear understanding of the physical aspects of speaking American English. Best of luck on your practice. I would be so delighted to receive positive feedback on your progress. Feel free to ask if you have any questions about this post or English voice.
I love coffee. I’m not a coffee expert or anything, but the taste and flavors just make my day better. It keeps me focused, awake, and makes my me-time moments more enjoyable.
I usually go for black coffee, especially the dark brown one from French Gourmet. Occasionally, I switch up my coffee, adding either sugar and cream, condensed milk, or fresh milk to enjoy different flavors. When I go out, a Mocha from Starbucks or a creamy McCafe will be my to-go orders. A Latte will also be a pleasant choice. They all just hit the right spot taste-wise. During my time in Vietnam, sipping on coffee with a hint of rum filled me with sentimental moments. However, most of the time, “Cafe phin” was my traditional pick. It’s a national favorite, where ground coffee snugly fits into a stainless filter, pressed firmly by the lid. The filter sits atop a small cup with a layer of condensed milk at the bottom. As hot water slowly pours into the filter, the coffee starts to drip through tiny holes.
Sipping on “Cafe phin” is like a gentle nudge to hit pause, savor the moment and embrace a bit of patience. It doesn’t come ready in a rush – it takes time for drops of coffee to fill the cup. They don’t make a whole lot, just a very small portion, a subtle hint, telling you to enjoy it slowly rather than downing it all at once. Made with 100% Robusta beans or a mix of Robusta and Arabica, this drink packs a punch compared to regular American brew. It’s not just about the bold, bitter flavor; it’s the caffeine content that’s best taken slow unless you’re up for a bit of jittery ride.
I had a funny memory with my boss when I introduced him to it. The moment it was placed on the table, he chugged it down and ordered another cup. Again, he finished it in one quick gulp, ignoring my warning about the coffee’s strength. No surprise that he got hit with a caffeine shock. It was probably etched in his memory, in both a bad and good way.
Choosing the most favorite coffee shop is tough as every place has its charm. There’s a diverse array of coffee shops, each tailored to serve different needs. Imagine this: If you have no time for a sit-down coffee, you can grab a cup from mobile coffee shops on the way. These could be stylish coffee carts or just a cheap motorbike with a box of coffee bottles and ice packs strapped on the seat, and accessories swinging from the handles. And if you’re lazy to venture far, there’s always a cozy local coffee shop just steps away, maybe even downstairs in your residence as it’s common for people in Vietnam to live and work in the same location. If you need a quiet work spot, check out bookish coffee shops or brand ones with comfy seating. Other places have killer views or unique designs – perfect for gatherings or attracting folks who aren’t just there for the coffee. In the evening, coffee shops have live music shows, be it instrumental vibes or vocal performance, almost every night.
Living in the US, I don’t hang out at coffee shops much, partly because of the cultural differences in how people experience coffee here. Plus, I’m used to savoring my quiet mornings at home with a cup of coffee. Despite this change, Vietnamese coffee shops hold my special memories. They’re the spots where I laughed and enjoyed a great time with friends, escaped from boring and demotivated moments, and left feeling more energized, relaxed and good about myself.
Selling my faithful old car, my companion from my novice driving days, brought back a wave of memories about my early driving lessons.
During my years in Vietnam, my primary mode of transportation was a scooter. I never considered myself a proficient driver, and I had a limited understanding of traffic laws, with my knowledge mostly limited to recognizing traffic lights. My indifference to these regulations stemmed from the fact that the scooter was merely a means of getting from one place to another. My driving skills were entirely based on intuition, honed through years of familiarity with scooters to the extent that it became a second nature skill. I couldn’t even recall how I initially learned to ride a motorbike.
When it came to driving a car, I faced considerable challenges. I had never considered driving a car before, and the thought of it was daunting. However, since I moved to the US where cars are the main transportation vehicle, I had to learn how to drive a car, a gateway to freedom. DR volunteered to be my instructor, and we began practicing in a nearby parking lot. This allowed me to become acquainted with the steering wheel, brake, accelerator, as well as various driving modes. DR also taught me how to use and adjust mirrors. To improve my parking skills, he even bought traffic cones to help me practice.
After several weeks of practice in the safe area, I started driving onto local roads with his guidance. The slower speeds there eased my nervousness, but I remained terrified when it came to turning or changing lanes. I struggled with understanding traffic signs, road layouts, and right-of-way rules. The complex road systems, especially the multi-lane roads, left me bewildered.
Moreover, when other vehicles merged or turned into my lane, it added to my anxiety. I had a tendency to brake or slow down excessively as I was so scared that they would pass by me or show up right in front of me suddenly. This was a habit influenced by the driving culture I was accustomed to in Vietnam, where drivers often behaved with little regard for traffic laws. They went, stopped, sped up, slowed down, or changed lanes at their convenience without considering other drivers.
As for changing or merging lanes, I found it particularly challenging, as it required simultaneous attention to driving, monitoring surroundings, checking mirrors, and turning the head. The fear, nervousness, and anxiety associated with being new to driving, my unfamiliarity with the car, and adjusting to a different driving culture sometimes left me feeling “paralyzed.” There were moments when I successfully managed tricky situations, but it felt like a feat I couldn’t quite comprehend.
My driving lessons with DR continued for about six months while S instructed me twice. However, he was strictly critical, which led to tense lessons and heated arguments. I was disappointed and even hated him. I didn’t want to talk or see him the day after the second lesson. Then, S arranged a professional instructor to provide me with ten lessons. The lessons with the instructor were not particularly memorable, except for one tip about positioning the car further to the right when waiting to make a right turn. But hiring a professional instructor increased S’s trust in my driving skills, which helped reduce his anxiety when accompanying me afterwards. He sacarstically said, “From now on, I won’t need to wear diapers when I’m in your car’s passenger seat.”
S did, however, offer amazing driving tips. First, he taught me how to merge onto the highway safely. According to him, I should drive steadily on the merging lane. When my vehicle aligned with the road, checked the rearview mirror for vehicles approaching from the highway, then glanced at the side mirror to assess the lane I was merging into. Finally, I had to quickly check the blind spot by looking through the back seat window on the merging side before confidently entering the highway. It sounds simple, but I’m still nervous when doing it, especially in heavy and fast-moving traffic and because knowing all the tips doesn’t mean I am automatically an expert driver. However, this technique has significantly enhanced my confidence in handling challenging situations.
Another tip from S improved my turning onto the main road. I had a habit of taking cautious turns due to nervousness, which could lead to safety concerns. Instead of moving further forward towards the center of the merging lane, my nervousness often prompted me to turn the wheel earlier than necessary. This premature turning meant I’d end up either closer to vehicles in the adjacent lane or dangerously near the road’s edges or pavement boundaries. S advised me to keep driving forward and maintain my focus straight ahead until I was closer to the middle of the intended lane, before initiating the turn. This adjustment allowed me to drive more comfortably, making my turns smoother and safer.
S also provided guidance on smooth braking. I tended to brake abruptly and release it too quickly due to nervousness, causing jerky movements. S advised me to brake gently and release it gradually, which made a significant difference in my vehicle control and my overall confidence.
Additionally, I remember the decal S ordered for my car, which read “New Driver, please be patient.” His thoughtful gesture had a surprising impact, eliciting sympathy, tolerance, understanding, and friendly gestures from other drivers on the road. This support from fellow motorists eased my anxiety during my early days of driving. Despite these improvements, I must admit that Iwill never be a great driver. Parallel parking and driving in bustling downtown areas remain intimidating for me.
Reflecting on my journey of learning to drive, I am so thankful for S’s wonderful tips, extremely grateful to DR for his dedication and patience in teaching me, as well as for his courage in sitting in the passenger seat while I, a complete novice, took the wheel. I’m also deeply appreciative of MK for gifting me a car that became more than just a vehicle; it became a trusted companion during the ups and downs of life, especially during my darkest moments.
New door installation: One day, S was tired of the old door’s color and decided to give it a fresh coat of paint. So, he started by stripping off the old paint, but that left the door’s surface rough and uneven. The attempts to smooth it out and change the colors turned into a disappointment. He tried two different colors, but each attempt made it look worse, to the point, I even joked, “We don’t need to decorate for Halloween this year.” We had the Halloween-like door for a few months, and eventually, we decided to buy a new door at SSHE. The new door came finished, but a glass door next to it wasn’t. This led to a time-consuming and frustrating process of mixing stains, trying different shades, and making countless errors to finally achieve a perfect match. Then, S had to make trims, and go through the staining and sealing process again. S did the entire project himself. The effort, commitment and determination he put into are truly admirable.
Deep cleaning: First, I started indoors: I touched every corner, closets, cabinets, drawers, baseboards and hidden nooks and crannies; decluttered and dusted…Next, cleaned the outdoor areas, including yards, doors, and overhang areas…
Shopping: S and I took several trips to outlets, malls and supermarkets, all in search of looking for gifts and everything I needed for my upcoming trip. I had rarely gone shopping in the past couple of years since the start of the Covid pandemic and my IVF treatment. Plus, being at home most of the time, I didn’t really need many clothes, especially those for dressing up. However, this trip to VN wouldn’t be only for medical purposes but also a chance to reunite with my family and friends, and recharge my energy. Therefore, I want to live a soulful and aesthetic life this time, just like I used to be. I’m excited to enjoy some precious “me time” at coffee shops. Spending time at coffee shops whether alone, with friends or for work, is a very typical pastime in VN. I can’t wait to experience it again.
Paperwork: I took detailed notes of my medical records, which were quite time-consuming, but I wanted to make sure I had enough information for doctor consultations during the trip; updated my SSN; changed my DL; sorted out 2023 receipts and arranged them in categorized folders…
Flight to VN: I had to pay $100 for a second checked luggage for my American Airlines flight to DFW. Right before checking in, S found out I would have to make a detour to NRT after landing at HND, then take the next flight to HN. In HND, I would have to claim my luggage, and the whole transfer would take at least 3 hrs in case everything went smoothly (on-time arrival from DFW, quick luggage claim/check-in, no missed buses, etc.), leaving me just half an hour before the next flight. I could tell I had mentally prepared myself for missing that flight.
S tried to contact American Airlines to switch flights so that I could skip HND and fly directly to NRT from DFW. However, since my luggage was already on its way to HND, I would have to go there.
He then contacted JAL to see if they could offer special assistance, but it was already late evening in Japan. He was very worried; unsure how I could handle the transfer alone. Honestly, I was nervous about my trip, but it wouldn’t have been a nightmare if I had delayed or missed the flight; I was mainly upset because I had made S worried. He only had one or two hours of sleep before taking me to the airport, and he had to stay awake afterwards due to my issue. However, when we came up with an idea to switch the flights so that I could travel directly from HND to HN, instead of from NRT, a miracle happened.
I received an email from JAL, informing me that I had been booked on an alternate flight to HN due to the delay of my reserved flight. It was great that the alternate flight would be from HND. I also didn’t have to claim my checked luggage. It was such a stroke of luck! I really thought my prayers on the way to the airport had been heard and Higher Powers were looking out for me.
I arrived in HN one day before my mom’s birthday. My sister’s family greeted me at the airport with a bouquet of beautiful roses. So blessed!
Braised pork and tofu, using a recipe I improvised. S loved it.
Combed Dozer’s and Sam’s fur to catch loose hair, and cleaned Sam’s litter box. I noticed as Sam gets older, he becomes more particular about cleanliness and comfort. I bought him calming treats in the hope that they would help him be less fussy after meals.
Sat, 9/2/2023
– traded for a nicer car
– took hours to get the payment and paperwork done
– had no time for a sit-down meal; got swiss burgers from a local burger and seafood to-go restaurant on the way home. Cost 40$ excluding tips for 2 portions. Everything was not cheap anymore. While waiting for the food, I took a photo of an abandoned shopping mall nearby, a sharp reminder of the profound changes overtime when nowadays online shopping reigns supreme, pushing shops and stores into vulnerable positions. I wondered if, one day, in-person shopping would become a luxury, with a hefty price tag attached, to savor the hustle and bustle of human life that these places offer, an experience that can’t be replicated through online shopping.
– would pick up the car on Monday, hopefully would have more time to explore NOLA.
Mon, 9/4/2023
Made a brief stop in NOLA but couldn’t explore the city much as it rained dogs and cats. By the way, visited HEX, a witch shop, where we had a 30-min tarrot and palm reading for a couple, which cost $90. It was fun! The shop also had an eclectic mix of spiritual products but the prices weren’t friendly.
On the way home, I took some photos that look cinematic. They reminded me of supernatural troops from Hollywood superhero flicks, rescuing the Earth.
Thurs, 9/7/2023
Traffic lights, electric lines and poles are something very special to me in this country:
Sun, 9/10/2023 – Making a painting frame
S finally finished the painting frame though it took several months since he hadn’t worked on it continuously. Making it was a PITA. At first, the size of the trims was small, disproportionate compared to the large painting. S had to make another frame to attach to the original one, but, for some reason, it left part of the unpainted canvas exposed. He continued making a smaller frame to attach to the current one, yet, again, it somehow didn’t entirely cover the unpainted canvas. At this point, I decided to “fill in” the remaining blank space. I had never tried oil-painting before, though I used to paint. It had been decades since my last attempt, but I gave it a try. Fortunately, the areas to be filled didn’t require any detailed painting. All I had to do was mix colors to match the right shade of blue and black with the existing ones. I was a bit nervous, but I managed to do it successfully. The colors blended seamlessly.
The painting was about Arroyo Hondo’s nature on a moonlit night. The image was captured by S from our yard and we hired an artist from China to “transform” it into a painting. What captivates me in the artwork is the tranquility and authenticity of the scenery, evoking a sense of peace every time I look at.
Fri, 9/15/2023
Pain
Sun, 9/24/2023
Purchased a flight ticket to VN. S would be flying separately in the second half of November.
Dined at a Chinese buffet.
Tue, 9/26/2023 – Busy day with a sweet surprise by the end
Cooked crawfish in gravy from scratch. It was my first time trying this dish on a whim. The process involved sautéing onions and garlic until they were perfectly brown, then adding crawfish and frying for four minutes. Then, I transferred this into a bowl. Using the same pan, I made roux, combining beer batter flour, olive oil, and butter in equal parts, stirring over low-medium heat for about 12 minutes (not sure about the amount of time as I forgot to track). When the roux turned brown hue and blended perfectly, I added square pieces of sauteed bell peppers and 1.5 cups of water, and cooked it over low-medium temperature. The food was surprisingly delicious, being another dish in S’s favorite list.
Later, I visited the IVF clinic to return borrowed medication when the pharmacy’s delivery was delayed. I also signed a form requesting my complete medical records for my upcoming treatment in VN. It would take at least a week for the documents to arrive as they needed to be reviewed and signed by doctors before mailing them out. After that, I reviewed medical receipts from 2021 for the tax audit purpose.
Next, I contacted medical service providers for missing receipts and completed a visa application. After failures to get any support from Vietnamese consulates, regardless of numerous attempts to call, email, and messages, I stumbled upon this website, which allowed for e-visa applications. I was hesitant to use the website at first but felt more secure after reading Reddit comments indicating the site was legitimate. The website was strange somehow as it kept automatically changing the dates I input whenever I reviewed the application. However, I finally managed it and the single-use visa fee was 25$.
Then I headed to Rouses for groceries. When I got back in the car, somebody knocked on the window. I turned to see a bouquet of flowers against the glass and a man holding it. The view was limited so I couldn’t make out who that gentleman was. A flash thought ran in my mind, “Is there someone so taken by the woman in her unglam house outfit that he’s ready to pull off a grand romantic gesture? But such a cinematic moment swiftly ended when I realized it was S. Don’t get me wrong. He generously buys me flowers and gifts every now and then, but the romantic moment he knocked on the window with the flowers in his hand surely wasn’t his plan but purely a coincidence because it wasn’t typical of his usual behavior. I know my man. But that surprise made the gifts even sweeter.
Wed, 09/27/2023
– Tended to neglected plants. 2 heucheras died.
– cleaned Sam’s litter box
– contacted a license commission office but it was closed
– stopped by a dental office to pick up the payment history
– suffered a low back pain, specifically around the sacrum spine area. It had been bothering me since the morning, but I couldn’t pinpoint the exact cause. I used a hot pad and massage devices to alleviate the discomfort. The pain eased temporarily but still persisted.
Fri, 09/29/2023
Love it
Sat, 9/30/2023
Took care of various tasks: cooked breakfast for S, made pots of tea and coffee, put away dishes, ran the dishwasher, did the laundry, took supplements, and went shopping at Walmart. The large number of items left me a bit overwhelmed but I was happy to have found some Persian blue throw pillows that perfectly matched my home decor. I also found cute gifts for my nieces and nephew for my upcoming trip. One piece of good news was S successfully obtained an e-visa in just 4 days, which was surprisingly quick. Considering past experiences with administrative procedures, there has been a significant improvement in the Vietnamese government’s handling of such services.
I had a really fun English class today with B, B and H. I had B play the role of a customer and H act as a waiter. H’s job was to take B’s order and ask, “Is there anything else?”. The game started and it turned into a hilarious pattern where every time H asked the question, B ordered more, and it went on and on without a signal to stop. The funny thing was that B had no clue how to indicate she’d had enough. So instead of saying “No, thanks!”, she kept ordering more, because all she knew was names of food. How cute she was!
After the class, I did some yard work. I pruned a compact Japanese holly, deadheaded blanket flowers, sprayed fungicide on azaleas, cleared away dead leaves around ornamental grass bushes, and watered plants. Then I cooked tahi-mahi. I wasn’t really in the cooking mood, but the fish had already thawed, so I quickly seasoned it and popped it in an air-fryer. Done! Later, I helped S a little bit with his main door installation project and then cleaned a small patio. It had been completely untouched for years. The patio was a mess, littered with broken ceramic pieces, leaves, twigs, and layers of accumulated dirt. Some wooden planks have bent and warped, leading to an uneven and unstable surface. First, I removed the broken ceramic pieces, leaves and twigs; then I used an electric vacuum to suck up dirt and a flat screwdriver to remove stubborn dirt from the edges between planks, and again continued sucking until the patio looked decent. S would transform it into a yoga spot or a peaceful retreat to unwind, or simply a place for some “me” time. It’s sweet to envision that way but the reality would probably be not fun as mosquitos definitely would not let me alone. Anyway, it’s still early to think about this since S already has a long list of projects, and renovating the patio isn’t his priority.
…
Had mixed thoughts about our marriage and the parenthood-seeking journey.
Sat, 08/05/2023 – Chores
Loaded the dishwasher and put away the dishes; did the laundry for clothes, bedding and throw blankets and ran the dryer multiple times; fixed the stair carpet by knotting and securing the loose loops caused by Sam’s and Dozer’s claws. The knots blend seamlessly with the carpet’s 3D diamond texture.
Boiled water for a drink.
Refilled the sugar dispenser and Sam and Dozer’s water bowl.
Tidied up the living-dining area.
Reorganized the pantry.
Pulled the weeds; the soft soil after the rain made the work easier. Despite the overwhelming sight of numerous weeds, I tried to be patient and distracted myself by looking at the bags of pulled weeds to remind me of what I have accomplished instead of focusing on the parts I haven’t touched. This helped my task be less burdened.
Sun, 08/13/2023 – New bed
Bought a new bed frame with a headboard and storage footboard on a bit of a whim. The store was about to close for good, and the discounted price was very tempting, but the high total cost made me feel like the original price had seemed inflated before the generous discount was applied. The bed set looks ok though quite formal while I prefer a touch of rustic charm. S agreed to build floating nightstands to add a more casual element to the room. Not sure how they would turn out but hope that their matte brown stain would create a warm, cozy and more natural look to balance out the shiny, almost black color of the bed set.
Also, the headboard’s height of 67.5″ blocked the view of the window while an ideal height I need should be 55″. S said he couldn’t lower it to that height because it would make the bed uneven due to the attached non adjustable footboard. However, he could craft new legs to bring the headboard to a more manageable level. A new pair was quickly made and installed; the original pair was put away for potential future use.
Another issue was that the new bed required a box spring, so instead of paying extra for a real one, we used our metal bed frame as a box spring. It perfectly fits inside the bed frame. S’s wonderful idea has saved us from the hassle of selling it and purchasing a separate box spring.
Sat,08/19/2023 – Daily life
My morning began with a trip to Lowe’s with S. We needed to buy trims for the new door, sandpapers, and a sponge. Since we took Dozer with us, we went to the park after that. It was a sunny day, great for spending time outdoors. The park had swings, slides, and other recreational equipment.
A swirling slide looked fun but I was hesitant to try at first, primarily due to my fear of height. S encouraged me, assuring me that it was a simple ride down. I decided to give it a try. It wasn’t scary at all like I imagined. It slid a bit but very slowly and the slide was actually short. Felt ashamed a bit but to be honest, it was for kids.
On our way back from the park, we stopped by Subway to grab some sandwiches. As we arrived home, I remembered that I had some thawed meat in the fridge, so I decided to cook it to avoid any waste. I started with chicken and braising seemed like an easy option. I cooked chicken in coconut juice and chicken broth, seasoning it with sautéed onion, turmeric, cayenne, and crushed bay leaves. I added garlic salt, nuoc mam (fish sauce), and mushroom seasoning to enhance the flavors. After simmering for about 30 minutes, I squeezed in a touch of lemon juice, which added a bit of tanginess to the dish.
At the same time, I cooked catfish nuggets by simply braising them in a mixture of turmeric, crushed ginger, nuoc mam, and garlic salt for half an hour. Yummy! Braised catfish is my all-time favorite.
Then I continued by steaming shrimp and frying shrimp heads – my favorite part of the shrimp. I particularly enjoyed their crunchy and juicy texture, and also the moment of taking a photo of shrimp heads and sent it to MK to see her “ewe” reaction. Another Vietnamese dish that I teased her with a photo of is sweet and sour chicken feet. Haha! She said she might consider trying it only when she is really starving.
After cooking, I tried to open a dried coconut which had a hard shell as its fibrous outer layers had been removed. I had never done it before. In my memory, my mom got juice out of this kind of coconut by placing a chopstick on a soft spot at the top and hammering it down to make a hole. I did the same but unfortunately, the chopstick broke, and I was left with the coconut with a broken piece stuck in the hole. S showed up and easily opened the coconut with just a drill.
How clever of me!
In the afternoon, text messages from a lady who was interested in getting free catnip from me were so confusing. She seemed unsure about my address and mentioned something about following a guy at a gas station to find her way to my house. I initially didn’t question her purpose when I first shared her my address until receiving her subsequent messages on both my phone and the app. Why didn’t she just send a text from either one?!? I started to feel uneasy about meeting her. But when she arrived, I realized my previous suspicions had been a bit overly cautious. She was nice and we had a pleasant conversation.
Sun, 08/20/2023 – Enjoyable Sunday
The lady I had given catnip and the playhouse to sent me a nice text to thank me for the wonderful gifts and shared a sweet story about how much her cat loved the toy. I was glad that my gifts were useful.
The heat in August was still scorching. I watered plants and pulled out weeds; noticed one heuchera was looking particularly sick.
Before noon, S & I went to a nearby casino. We wanted to have lunch at the steak restaurant inside the casino that we missed once, but it was closed. How disappointing! We chose buffet instead, which was quite a unique experience. Instead of the typical self-serve style, the buffet had staff members serving the food.
The food there was quite diverse. I chose gumbo, fried clam strips, and steamed shrimp for my first round, while S went for a massive meatball sandwich loaded with cheese. For the second round, I had sushi rolls, fried rice, green beans, and a delightful tiramisu for dessert. The shrimp and tiramisu were especially delicious.
After our meal, I tried my luck on a slot machine inserting a couple of $20 bills. The sounds, lights, and images on the screen were enjoyable, even though Ididn’t win.
When we were back home, I looked at S’s recent blood test results. He has pre-diabetes, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, and triglycerides. I worry about his health, especially knowing his habits of indulging in sugary and fatty snacks, smoking, and consuming energy drinks. We discussed his plans to go to the gym and find an indoor tennis court in a nearby state. It’s nice to see his intentions to make positive changes for his health.
Mon, 08/21/2023 – Lessoningrained
Today, I had a minor burn on my left hand. I handled a hot pan from the oven with a mitt, then took it off. In a hurry to continue cooking, I placed the pan back on the stove, forgetting that it was still scorching. Right at the moment I grasped the pan, a searing pain shot through my hand. I instinctively pulled it away, cradling it in shock. S quickly stepped up, submerged my hand in a pack of ice water for 15 minutes, then dried it off and applied cream, typically used for soothing the pain caused by cosmetic industry acid injections. It may have seemed like an unusual remedy, but it worked wonders. This is a hard-learned lesson for me which I would likely never forget: always use a mitt when handling a hot pan.
My forgetfulness continued. I kept boiling water and let it cool, only to realize I hadn’t put tea in. And it wasn’t just once; it happened four times. Can you believe it? I did it so many times that I became frustrated with myself.
In the evening, I pondered the meaning of life, the choices I’ve made, the paths I’ve taken, and the impact I’m making. There’s a feeling of being trapped in my comfort zone and a sense of urge telling me it’s time to take action. Sometimes, finding myself caught between the awareness of the need for change and the stressful anxiety of not feeling ready is extremely hard to bear.
Wed, 8/23/2023 – Colonoscopy
S had a colonoscopy and the operation went well. We headed straight to Golden Corral after leaving the hospital for his first meal after almost 2 days of no food. Of course, his plate was full of carbs, meat, and cheese.
Fri, 8/25/2023 – Chores
Watered plants and grass, did the laundry (clothes and bathroom rugs), cleaning Dozer’s bed covers, vacuumed the downstairs, and folded clothes. Next, cooked instant noodles for S with eggs, beef and mixed greens, boiled sweet potato for myself, put the dishes away, cleaned the kitchen, and wiped off a stain from the stair carpet. Then, went to Walmart for groceries and coffee filters (8-12 cups). Later, went out for dinner at a Greek restaurant, which I chose quite randomly with the belief that Mediterranean food rarely disappoints. The place has a unique “factory” design, offering a buffet-style service where you could customize your own meal from an array of options. Despite my initial hesitation, I had a culinary adventure with a bowl of mixed lamb, grilled chicken, green beans, rice, feta cheese, yogurt ranch, salsa, and assorted nuts. It was flavorful but I believe if I order next time, my choice would be better. S, on the other hand, enjoyed a steak sandwich with his characteristic quick-eating style.
Sun, 8/27/2023 – Fun at Buc-cees
We picked up an assortment of goodies at Buc-ees. S’s selection was filled with bold flavors – ghost pepper jerky, various sandwiches, cheese cakes, and more. Meanwhile, I opted for a burrito, dried beef and kolaches. They were all delicious.
Returning home, I stained painting frames. The original honey teak shade turned out to be a far cry from what I had envisioned, so intolerable that I decided to fix it. I applied a coat of Province 211 to tone down the color, which definitely looks much better. Making a frame is a painful task as it requires a lot of patience, details, and precision. There are so many steps involved and usually you have to wait between steps, including staining, sealing, gluing, clamping, etc. I really admire S for the enormous effort he put into this project.
Wed, 8/30/2023
Did yoga, took supplements and wore a hydrating facial mask. The mask was infused with hyaluronic acid, known for its skin-nourishing properties. It was a natural product that contained pear extract and plant squalane oil, promising to intensely hydrate and boost skin’s moisture levels.
Went to the clinic for baseline and blood tests. Thankfully, the results were positive, showing a count of 10 on the left and 6 on the right. This meant I was given the green light to begin the stimulation drugs starting tomorrow. I also asked the nurse if it was safe to use Lupron as I noticed small bubbles in the jar, which I was afraid was due to the heat during transportation caused by my broken car air conditioning. She assured me it was fine to use.
Back home, taught BBH English and then made stuffed burgers. I flavored lean ground beef with steak seasoning. Using a press, I created a patty with a hollow center to place Colby jack cheese and olives. Then, added another layer of beef and pressed them down using the lid of the press.
Next, I stewed beef with nutmegs and dried mushrooms; the kitchen was filled with delicious aromas.
After cooking, I moved on to some chores including checking the list of IVF drugs to order, folding the clothes, doing the laundry, spraying pesticides and fungicides on sick heucheras, and cleaning Sam’s litter box.
Thurs, 8/31/2023
Whipped up lunch with fried potatoes as an improvisation since I was out of milk to make mashed potatoes. Partially cooked in the microwave, heated oil, tossed them in, sprinkled beer batter and fried them to crispy perfection. Then, added some garlic salt and melted a generous layer of Colby jack cheese on top. It turned out S’s favorite dish. But actually any food loaded with cheese and butter would automatically be his go-to choice.
Nothing else to write down for today. Just a regular day of doing chores.
Throughout any conflict, her abiding goal has consistently been to avoid passing judgement. The idea of casting blame has never crossed her mind. Instead of pointing fingers, her focus has been on uncovering underlying issues. Her conversations don’t dwell on the concepts of right and wrong but rather strive for a more transcendent pursuit of enlightenment and mutual understanding.
Their continued cohabitation in the midst of discontentment births a fundamental question of her presence in this relationship. “Those words” make her ponder her place in his thoughts, wondering who she truly is in his mind. Irrespective of the persona she is given, she acknowledges her inability to control his perceptions.
Her only agency lies in safeguarding the sanctity of her soul and her heart. She’ll exert effort for mutual understanding, but she will no longer resort to defending herself to disprove unfavorable characterizations. She’s come to realize that previous efforts suffice.
Don’t succumb to fear when others wrong you. You are not a victim. Righteousness bestows upon individuals the unassailable fortitude and indomitable resilience necessary to weather life’s trials.
Begin life at forty 