Begin life at forty

Author: Phammy

  • Renovations: Before and After

    Fence & Gate

    Timber edging



    Backyard

    Walk-in Pantry

  • Walk-in closet renovation

    Since we’re probably going to move soon and S’s home now, we’ve been working on the house to get it ready for rent.

    We started renovating the walk-in closet in the master bedroom. We are currently tight on time and budget, so we kept the project easy, simple, quick, and low-cost.

    I’m mainly in charge of the closet—organizing and arranging everything—so I know how we want the space to be. I sketched out an initial design. S took all the ideas we discussed and created a detailed digital drawing.

    We spent $60 on plywood, $20 on a metal pipe and $20 on rod hangers, that is pretty much all the cost. We already had lots of other materials from previous projects, like nails, paint, and trim wood. And since he’s an expert handyman – his words, we have all the tools needed.

    The plywood, being a cheap material for shelves, however, had surface imperfections, so we filled holes and cracks with joint compound before painting. The edges of the plywood dividers weren’t attractive due to the visible layers, so we used trim to cover them to improve the appearance.

    We used cream for shelves, white for the walls, and brown for the trim to create some contrast. Since white on the walls has different shades, there are some uneven colors on some spots. But those won’t be noticeable once the closet is going to be filled with clothes. Also, we are not going to stay here for long and our main goal was to use up the leftover paint, so we’re not too concerned about the unevenness.

    Instead of buying a hanging rod, S chose a metal pipe and cut it to the required length. This saved us money, as the pipe was much cheaper than purchasing a pre-made hanging rod.

    We repurposed trim to cover the edges of the plywood dividers. This trim, originally part of the house’s exterior boards, is very solid, and we’re pleased we didn’t waste it.

    The top panel on the ceiling is actually a leftover panel from an overhang. We glued two panels together to fit the space we needed.

    It took us 5 days to complete the project, but we only worked for a few hours each day since S was busy with other tasks.

    We still haven’t built the storage boxes for the sides or developed the areas facing the central part of the closet. However, we decided to stop and focus on other priorities before we move. The closet is already looking nice and functional, and it’s a significant improvement over the original one we’ve had since we moved here.

    I forgot to mention that I bought paintings from a thrift store for around $5 each. They match the color scheme of the closet and the rug. Also, I love the colorful rug squares that I bought two years ago on Google Shopping. I recall getting a great deal on them, and the quality is excellent.

    With the closet complete, we can move on to the next tasks we want to touch up around the house before our move. Our current situation is unexpected but it’s understandable given life’s unpredictability. I hope our journey will go smoothly, that we can keep things under control, and that we end up in a place where we can build a peaceful and stable life.

    Check our detailed closet renovation below:

    Day 1:

    Day 2:

    Day 3:

    Day 4:

    Day 5:

    Update: I double-checked the price of the metal pipe, and it was $40, not $20. It’s not cheaper than pre-made hanging rods that S told me about.

  • Vietnam travel: Bat Trang Pottery Museum

    On the day of our visit to Bat Trang Pottery Museum, I was tired because I slept late the night before. I was in a rush to get to the museum, and forgot my phone and wallet. I had to borrow money from my friend, KA to cover the taxi and everything else during the visit.

    The museum has a distinctive design, resembling a group of pottery wheels. The building features the walls with an undulating, wave-like pattern that mimics the smooth curves of pottery being shaped. This is enhanced by the earthy brown color of the walls, like the natural hue of clay, which adds a touch of raw authenticity. This color complements the stonish gray tiles in the front courtyard, creating a harmonious and soothing atmosphere, ideal for a ceramics & pottery museum. The overall design offers a cozy and welcoming environment for visitors.

    The first floor is an array of shops displaying and selling a variety of ceramic products and knick-knacks, including vases, cups, decorative pieces and artistic sculptures. The ceramics are beautifully crafted with intricate and delicate details. Prices are reasonable as well.

    After exploring the shops, we moved to the second floor, which serves as the museum’s main center. This floor is divided into areas with different focuses. One highlights artistic pottery works, while another showcases the evolution of pottery production. This section allows visitors to observe the changes in colors, techniques, and shapes in making pottery across different periods, providing insight into the development and characteristics of pottery throughout history. The last space details the pottery-making process. Here, you can see traditional tools used in pottery, remnants of products tested for color, and patterns and statues depicting various stages of pottery creation, such as throwing, glazing, and molding.

    On the third floor, we explored the light sculpture art exhibit. This section features handcrafted wood in various shapes and forms, illuminated to highlight famous Vietnamese individuals who have made significant contributions to the nation’s development. Additionally, there is a sculpture created from recycled materials, designed to raise awareness about environmental protection and the importance of recycling. This piece, depicting a pregnant woman with her belly symbolizing the Earth, conveys a message about nurturing and protecting our planet. It emphasizes that, while waste can become mere trash, recycling of materials can turn them into something valuable.

    On this floor, there is a small area selling small ceramic products and spiritual decorative items. I was particularly interested in some incense types. According to a staff member, these incense cone-shaped pieces are 100% natural and clean, made from wood particles ground into powder and mixed with glue. The type of wood used determines the aroma of the incense. They offer two types: one made from jade wood (gỗ Ngọc Am) and the other from agarwood (gỗ Trầm Hương). I had tried agarwood incense before, but the scent just didn’t do it for me, even though it’s considered valuable and popular. On the other hand, the jade wood incense smelled nice, but I didn’t end up buying it because it made too much smoke, which was hard for me to enjoy and relax. I also considered buying an artistic incense holder. It was beautiful, but the design was impractical, as the holder was quite deep, making it inconvenient to place the incense cone inside.

    Next, we went to the fifth floor, where people expect to experience a serene environment while having tea, but we were quite disappointed when we arrived. The whole space is open, except for a small area, about 6.5 feet deep where shoes are required to be removed at the door. I didn’t bother taking mine off since I could see everything clearly from the entrance. The area has a meditative vibe, featuring decorative items, crafted objects, and artistic pieces arranged to create a calming atmosphere. However, there wasn’t anything particularly special about it. It feels more like a decorative setup than a real tea-serving space. I did like the vase of lotus flowers at the entrance, though. The tea-serving experience was quite disappointing. It felt rushed because the staff offered us tea as soon as we arrived, before we even had a chance to settle in. No one offered us a second serving. It was more like a tea tasting than an actual tea service. Additionally, there was a small stall selling tea and spiritual products. I did purchase a bag of special black tea with ginseng essence. It was much more expensive than regular types of tea, but I accepted it as part of the experience during our visit.

    We quickly left the tea space and headed to the restaurant on the fourth floor to have lunch. We ordered fried water spinach, fried tofu in soy sauce and green onions, a bowl of rice, dried bamboo shoot and squid soup (a specialty of both the restaurant and the pottery village), and meat sausage in lolot leaves (Lá lốt). I really enjoyed the meal; everything was so delicious. We also ordered spring rolls. The dishes were served generously and abundantly, and three of us couldn’t finish all the food. I think we only ate about a third of the meal. I could’ve eaten a lot more but I wasn’t in the mood for food that day. Anyway, one ordering tip there is to ask for half portions. You don’t have to order a whole dish, as one portion is quite generous and plentiful.

    The coffee and ice cream space is located in an open area right next to the restaurant. I initially wanted coffee, but the variety of ice cream flavors looked so tempting that I decided to go for ice cream instead. I got three scoops: Thai tea, matcha, and rum raisin, and that was the minimum order. Although I loved it, I couldn’t eat a lot at once.

    We spent about 15 minutes there before quickly moving to the basement to enjoy a hands-on experience with pottery. First, we watched an educational video on how to craft pottery. After that, we were instructed to wear an apron and showed our tickets at the counter. The staff then gave us some clay to start our experience. I decided to try making a cup, but it turned out to be much more challenging than I had expected. My hands got very messy, and I struggled to shape the clay the way I wanted. Feeling tired and losing focus, I didn’t want to continue. A staff member came over to help, and with his assistance, I finally managed to create a cup that was ready to be painted. There are two options for painting your product. If you just dry it, you can paint it with regular materials. However, if you choose to fire your product, different materials will be used to glaze it. This option requires an extra fee and a waiting period of about two weeks for the product to be shipped.

    When we moved to the painting area, I felt kind of worn out just looking at the cup. I couldn’t think of any initial idea, so I just painted “tired” on it with a yawning mouth and sleepy eyes. The cup looked ugly. Seeing my friend patiently painting a flower on her cup, I decided to cover up what I had painted earlier, which felt negative. I used three different colors—brown, green, and earthy orange — and brushed and mixed them on the cup. This way, I didn’t have to think too much about the design or worry about details. I quickly painted some flowers, using broad strokes to suggest their shapes rather than carefully drawing each petal. In the end, my cup didn’t turn out too bad. It looked quite artistic to me.

    In this area, I also bought a necklace for my mom. According to the staff, the beads are glazed using a special firing technique that will create different tones and patterns at different temperatures. I’m not sure of the exact name of the enamel, but I think it’s called “Men hỏa biến.” The necklace looks okay, but I think it would look much better if the entire string was covered with small beads. With only a bit more than half of the necklace covered, the string is left exposed. However, given the small payment, I guess that’s all I could expect. I also got sweet butter popcorn, which was great. I really love this snack. Unlike in the US, salted butter popcorn is much more common and easier to find.

    I enjoyed the visit because I love ceramics and pottery. The museum’s design is impressive; the history and development of pottery are cool; the food is delicious and reasonably priced and the pottery-making experience is fun. Tickets are available at various prices; we chose the most expensive one, VND198,000 ($7.83) per person, which includes access to all areas and the pottery-making experience. However, the museum is pretty small, so there isn’t much to see. Also, I really think the space about the history and development of pottery production is the the most valuable part worth the fee. Additionally, the museum is located quite far from Hanoi’s center, making transportation inconvenient. Traditional taxis are expensive but seem to be the most readily available option. I didn’t see any motorbike taxis (xe ôm), and booking a ride through an app like Grab took forever. Public transportation is an option, I have never tried it though.

    In summary, if you don’t mind the small size of the museum, and are interested in ceramic products and the culture of ceramic production, it’s definitely worth a visit. You can learn about the culture, see a lot of ceramic products, and buy them at reasonable prices, all in one place without having to travel far. Also, the nearby traditional pottery market is another great spot to check out.

  • Self-talk

    – Life is so unpredictable. There are unexpected turning points that might change one’s life completely. She’s at a major juncture. Scary.

    – A domino effect can start with the fall of just one small piece.

    – Let pray. The Higher Powers will guide you through.

    – In her fear, she prays for love, forgiveness, health, safety, and enlightenment…. She does this every day.

    – In the darkest moments of misery and fear, she realized she’s not alone. She’s received more love & care than she could have ever expected.

    – Being nice and being kind are different.

    – I love and miss you, Grandma. So much! I wish to see you in my dreams.

    – Mom, I love you! I’m so lucky and happy to be your daughter. Thank you for everything you’ve done for me. My most peaceful nights are those when I was with you, holding you as I slept. My life felt abundant, carefree and protected when I was with you.

    – Sis, your care and protection have touched my heart. I’m so grateful.

    – She doesn’t want to be weak but she’s cried. Oh shit, she needs to love herself. No fucking one has the right to steal her joy.

    Photo by Gelgas Airlangga on Pexels.com

  • Vietnam travel: Quintessence of Tonkin Show

    While looking for something to do to beat boredom, my friend suggested we watch the Quintessence of Tonkin show, and I immediately agreed. We were picked up at 5:30 PM and spent 45 minutes on the bus to get there. 

    The venue has two main areas: the performance space, which was closed until the show started, and an open market area called “Chợ Quê,” resembling a traditional market with stalls selling Vietnamese foods and snacks. There, we were treated to a complimentary traditional Vietnamese family meal, which included boiled water spinach, clear soup (water from boiling the spinach), fried tilapia fish, and fermented eggplants. Had I known about this market, I might have skipped this free meal, which wasn’t entirely free as it required a minimum purchase of four tickets. The market used with coupons instead of cash. I bought five coupons, each worth 20,000 VND, but later realized it would have been better to buy coupons of different values since you don’t get change for cheaper items. I bought steamed sweet potatoes, garlic butter bread, and green tea. The sweet potatoes were good, but the bread was disappointing—dry and made with margarine instead of butter. The meal area also had a stage where artists performed traditional singing, dancing, and acting, showcasing typical Vietnamese culture.

    When the show was about to start, we lined up for check-in.

    The show offers three types of tickets: Platinum, Gold, and Regular. Platinum tickets are the most expensive and come with separate, premium seating at the back, which is covered and equipped with fans. Gold and Regular tickets have access to the same unnumbered seating area; the only advantage of Gold tickets is a closer entrance, giving holders a better chance to choose their seats first. We chose seats at the back, just behind the Platinum area, where we benefited from the breeze from the Platinum area’s fans, which was great on that hot, humid night.

    As the name suggests, the show introduces core aspects of Vietnamese culture, specifically those of the Red River Delta, through scenes of daily life, music, paintings, and celebrations. It also illustrates the examination process for students, highlighting the celebration of the top scholar, and emphasizing the respect and significance of academic traditions. The show highlights Vietnamese cultural, spiritual, and religious elements, such as lotus flowers, Buddhism, the Female Goddess Worshipping (Đạo Mẫu), and puppetry. A notable feature of the show is the participation of a large number of performers, including local farmers and professional artists, performing on a large water stage set against the natural backdrop of Thầy Mountain and surrounded by bamboo trees. The stage creates a peaceful village scenery, harmoniously blending with the performance. Artistic lighting, music, and traditional instruments add excitement to the show.

    Through the show, audiences gain an understanding of how closely Vietnamese culture is tied to agricultural activities like rice planting and fishing. Real buffaloes, boats, and traditional farming tools on stage vividly represent the daily work of farmers. The show also offers insight into Vietnamese art through folk songs, traditional musical instruments, and Đông Hồ paintings –  folk art known for their handcrafted prints, created using carved wooden blocks.

    While I found the show interesting, it didn’t leave a deep impression because it was hard to identify standout moments. The show lasts only 45 minutes, making it difficult to explore each aspect in depth. As a Vietnamese, I found it challenging to fully grasp the aspects presented, so it might be even more confusing for foreigners, especially since the show is entirely in Vietnamese, except for a brief introduction on a projector. While the show aims to convey a sense of peace and simplicity, I personally found it rather sad. The depiction of a life with few comforts and limited entertainment made me reflect more on past struggles than on the intended tranquility and artistic beauty. The performers’ costumes in muted colors, the dark night setting with glimpses of light, folk songs, traditional music, and the lack of modern elements evoked a nostalgic and somewhat melancholic feeling about past hardships. The buffaloes brought on the stage, however, looked so healthy and well-fed that they seemed to be living a good life – an amusing contrast to the humble farmers. 

    Another downside was the weather. It was extremely hot and humid, making it uncomfortable, especially for someone like me who sweats easily. We sweated a lot during dinner, so I recommend checking the weather and choosing a cooler day to attend the show. Also, it’s better to use the transportation included in the ticket price instead of going on your own. The food there is typical Vietnamese, including noodle soups and Vietnamese crepes, but you might want to bring your own food if you prefer Western options.

    In general, the show was an interesting experience, but it left me feeling sad about people’s harsh and dull life back then, rather than the peacefulness and relaxation the shows aims to convey. Or it might be that because I was feeling unhappy, it was hard for me to see the show in a more positive light.

  • Shopping, Psychic, and Fun

    Before the trip to Sam Son Beach, I had a rough week with my mind busy with the IVF cycle. I was worried about my future, feeling trapped and unable to focus on anything else. It felt like I was wasting my life, stuck in a rut where each day passed futilely. I wanted to change but felt so demotivated. Fortunately, making a to-do list helped; it gave me something to look forward to.

    Thinking about how enthusiastic my mom was for the vacation, I decided to buy her a new bathing suit and scarf. She loves being photographed, and the scarf would be a versatile accessory for different looks and poses. My sister had intended to take Mom shopping for clothes because she was worried about finding the right fit without trying them on. However, my mom wasn’t up for it, thinking it wasn’t necessary since she hardly ever goes to the beach and could just use her old one. I still wanted to surprise her. I went to a shop and quickly picked out a V-neck bathing suit in a rich reddish-brown and a floral scarf. The suit comes to about mid-thigh and features modern patterns. Unlike me, my sister is very picky when it comes to selecting clothes. She can try on 10 or more items and still not find anything she likes, while I’m quite unfussy. I can quickly choose the pieces I like and adjust them if needed. I believe any problem can be solved. Additionally, shopping is easier for me because my style is different from hers. I prefer loose, comfortable clothes that don’t require strict measurements. I also know which styles, patterns, prints, materials, and forms suit me well.

    My mom was very pleased with the new set, especially the scarf, after I showed her different ways to style it. Initially, she thought the scarf was too big and wasn’t sure how to use it. A few hours before we set off, my mom still walked to the market looking for a top to match her skirt and sunglasses to hide her eye wrinkles, but she didn’t have any luck. It’s wonderful that at 70, she still looks attractive and maintains her appearance so well. I’m not sure I want to see the photos of myself when I’m older as I doubt I’ll look as vibrant as she does at her age, even well before I reach that age.

    One day before the trip, I visited a Chinese horoscope reader with a friend. Although I’d heard about her a while ago, I hadn’t thought much about it until my IVF concerns drove me to seek some insight. The visit was disappointing. I couldn’t provide an exact birth time, only an estimated range between the Tiger and Cat hours, but she immediately concluded I was born in the Tiger hour. I hoped she would have used both potential birth hours to offer more accurate insights. She asked several yes-or-no questions to validate her readings. I then told her I wanted insights into my motherhood and marriage. It was no surprise when she quickly highlighted the problems she assumed I was having. Well, it’s not unusual for some psychics to magnify problems to make clients feel vulnerable and reliant on their guidance, but, I didn’t realize that during the visit. She emphasized I might face a divorce, and to prevent this, I needed to prepare for a ritual involving both a symbolic divorce and remarriage. She also pointed out that my bedroom was located above the kitchen, which was bad; I should move to a room on the same floor but across from the kitchen. For fertility, she instructed me to put a totem of a buffalo with a child riding it on the headboard; obtain a piece of a nail and a strand of hair from a child in a family with several children, and put them in seven gourd-shaped bottles (Hồ Lô). Moreover, she advised using various types of crystals somewhere in the room. Finally, she guided me to have my mom place red roses and some stuff on the altar and pray to the female goddess for support.

    What she said seemed odd, but as someone seeking insights, I listened quietly. She then handed me a bag for the items. Without questioning whether I really wanted them, I just asked the price and paid her, though, very soon after, I had a gut feeling something was off. I tend to respond slowly when caught off guard. If she’d asked, “Do you want them?” I might’ve said no. Instead, she acted like she was giving me instructions I had to follow. At that time, I didn’t realized she was selling me Feng Shui items. I had never expected to encounter that at a psychic reading. How naive or silly I was!

    Upon leaving the psychic’s house, my friend pointed at a fancy house across the street and mentioned that it also belonged to her. She explained that the psychic still works in the old, rundown house since it’s brought her good luck with money, and she wants to maintain that fortune. This experience made it clear to me how lucrative this type of business can be. Within half an hour, the psychic could earn much more than a high-paid medical professor or academic. Well, it’s difficult to compare earnings across different fields, I just don’t feel that her knowledge, values, or experience justify the amount of money she charged. It seems that she’s more skilled in business than in psychic work. Though the reading isn’t a pleasant experience, but it has taught me a lesson to always consider carefully before making a decision.

    Later, I stopped at a restaurant for meatball noodle soup (Bún Mọc) and lemon tea. The soup was good, and the tea was perfect. I liked its bold tea flavor, unlike the other experience I had before, which tasted like lemonade. Next, I went for a walk to exercise on the way to LoBi cafe. I had never gone to this place but its spacious and inviting appearance captured my attention.

    I ordered “Nâu nóng” (Vietnamese traditional hot coffee with condensed milk), as usual, and enjoyed my “me time” there. Half an hour later, a group of young guys came in and sat at a table next to me. They did a tarot reading. The man doing the reading seemed like a perfect match for the job. His manner, voice and tone reflect a flexible gender, which reminded me of fortune tellers or ritual hosts I saw in Vietnamese movies. Watching him inspired me to ask him for one myself. I thought this coincidence might have been the Universe’s way of answering my nightly questions. He agreed to the reading, and though it was fun, it didn’t provide much insight. I gave him a small amount of money to thank him for his time and left the cafe, buying a cup of tiramisu and a brownie for my mom, and a fried sticky rice ball for my dad. I also bought crispy roast pork but didn’t eat it as I had planned for dinner and a movie with my cousin.

    She picked me up, and we went to Vincom Plaza. It was quiet, with only a few restaurants open. We had dinner at Alfredo; I had pumpkin and Tom Yum Thai soups, and she had deep-fried chicken and a platter of appetizers.

    The soups helped with my jittery feeling from earlier coffee. We browsed the plaza and stopped by Annam Gourmet, a premium store known for its high-quality imported and local products. We picked up dried kumquat and rose apples (called “Mận” in the South or “Roi” in the North.)

    They are naturally sweet and retain their true flavors but might be too sugary for some. We watched “Despicable Me 4,” an animated movie about Gru and his family. Gru’s old rival, Maxime Le Mal, seeks revenge and plans to kidnap Gru’s son. To protect his family, Gru relocates them to Mayflower under new identities. The movie centers on Gru’s battle with Maxime, with the help of whimsical and super-powered Mega Minions. It was fun, full of humor and clever antics that kept us laughing and feeling young. It provided a delightful and relaxing escape.

    Overall, though I still couldn’t find answers for my concerns through psychic readings, I felt blessed by the experiences of the day.

  • Dreams

    There were arguments, frustrations and anger…Intense anxiety and raw fears…

    I woke up, felt relieved, realizing that it was all just a dream. But a moment later, I sadly realized how often these fears (…) are present. But I’m not trying to fight them. What I can and should do well is to go inward and pray, which helps me stay aware of my fears without being overwhelmed.

    ​…

    No matter what happens, this journey will eventually end, and something new will start. Whether it turns out to be better or worse, it will be different. And a change is what I’m really after.

  • Vietnam travel: Sam Son Beach

    Saturday July 20th, 2024, we were on the way to Sam Son beach. It’s a popular destination for local tourists, mostly from nearby northern and central provinces. It’s about a three-hour drive from Hanoi.

    My sister sponsored this trip. My mom was very excited about it because she loves to be photographed. From the day we planned it, she looked through her wardrobe everyday to pick out items that she could mix and match. I love how she does things, even the smallest tasks, with such diligence and without stress or intensity. I’m the opposite; I prefer to pack as little as possible that fits in my backpack. However, her enthusiasm made me want to prepare more myself. So, I packed nice clothes, skin care and make-up products, etc in case I wanted to look good in photos; all of them fit in my medium-sized suitcase. However, ironically, it’d been almost three days since I got there, I hadn’t worn any nice clothes. I was in shorts, tank tops and T-shirts, and wore flip-flops the whole time. It just takes too much energy to pull everything together for a good look: nice clothes, make-up, hair style, matching shoes and accessories. So, I decided not to bother and just focused on having a good time. I also hadn’t gone into the water because I had a procedure just over a week before. I wanted to avoid potential infections. Plus, the beach was super crowded, especially on the weekends, which made it less appealing to swim or relax there.

    Despite not swimming, I still enjoyed the trip. I’m a big fan of seafood and interested in trying local dishes. The seafood there was so fresh. We ate crabs, clams, calamari, oysters, fish and mantis shrimp cooked in different ways. The mantis shrimp (“Bề bề” or “Tôm tít” in Vietnamese) was amazing and crawfish doesn’t even compare. This shrimp has much more meat, is easy to peel, and has a juicy texture. I think it’s always delicious, whether it’s cooked in any way or served on its own or with other foods. If this shrimp is marketed seriously, it could become even more popular than crawfish.

    One evening, we stopped at a food stand famous for sweet soups, drinks and street foods. You can find all different types of sweet soups from all over Vietnam here. The soups are typically sweet and creamy, with various toppings such as tapioca pearls, jelly, nuts, fruits and other ingredients, depending on which soup you order. About street foods, they serve “Bánh xèo” (Vietnamese crepe). It’s loaded with a variety of ingredients, including shrimp, bean sprouts, carrots, onions and more. The crepes are cut into small pieces, ready to be wrapped in rice paper together with veggies and herbs. While I don’t know all their names, there are plenty, such as lettuce, mustard greens, cucumbers, and some exotic ones like ming aralia (đinh lăng), lolot (lá lốt), and skunk vine leaves (lá mơ). I love eating rolls though it takes a bit of time to make them ready. “Bánh xèo” is dipped in fish sauce, mixed to be sour, sweet, and spicy. I was amazed how delicious the food was the first time I tried it here, so I was really excited to go back. However, the second experience wasn’t as good as the first. “Bánh xèo” didn’t meet my expectations this time. It seemed like they’ve changed ingredients; I didn’t like the green beans and sweet potatoes that they added. Interestingly, while we were eating, it started raining hard. Since the place didn’t have a roof, we had to stand shoulder to shoulder at the covered counter and wait for the owner to set one up. The rain then lightened up and the roof was ready, we’d hoped to continue our meal. But soon, the rain intensified again. With the wind blowing it from the sides, the roof couldn’t keep all the rain out. To make matters worse, the electricity went out. I got a little wet, and we had to cut our dinner short and planned to head back to the hotel. But when we left, the rain stopped, so we went to AHA coffee shop instead to enjoy the rest of our evening.

    We wanted to find a local cafe with some unique character instead of a chain like AHA, but the choices here are pretty limited. Just like 99% of the time when I visit a coffee shop in VN, I ordered “Nâu nóng”, a traditional hot coffee with condensed milk, rather than choosing other drinks. I love its aroma and sweet, bitter taste. Sipping it while chatting or just enjoying my time alone is a favorite activity of mine. However, due to a miscommunication, the order taker brought me an iced coffee. I told him about the mistake. He took the cup away reluctantly and returned with a different one. I was disappointed when the new coffee arrived because it looked different from the usual coffee I get at this chain – the color, texture, and even the cup.

    I tried to stay positive, thinking maybe this is how they prepare condensed milk coffee at that specific place. I took a sip, but it was disappointing; the coffee wasn’t thick or rich, and the flavor was light. It seemed like hot water had been added to the original cup, or they just removed the ice, rather than making a fresh cup for me. I called another waiter and told him it was the worst coffee I had ever had at AHA. He took my cup away and returned with the correct one. Finally, I could enjoy the coffee, but I couldn’t drink much, especially Vietnamese coffee as it contains  a lot of caffeine, which I should limit during my IVF treatment.

    During our time there, we visited Sunworld water park, a temple and planned to see a water show, but it was canceled because the country’s leader had just passed away. So no public events were held during that period. We felt a bit disappointed as we were very excited for our parents to see the show, which I have never seen either. We also went to a play area at Hai Tien beach, around a 1-hr drive from Sam Son beach at night, but again it was closed. On the way there, we checked out several places to try local foods such as eel noodle soup, fried eel noodles and chicken salad. My sister even looked for grilled eggs but she wasn’t lucky. I’d tried them before in Saigon. The liquid inside an egg is extracted, mixed with salt, garlic, and pepper, and then injected back into the egg.

    On the way back to Hanoi, we had lunch at Ba Cửa Restaurant in Ninh Binh, where we enjoyed goat meat.

    I loved citrus-cured goat salad, grilled goat meat, and goat sausage. Well, too much protein throughout the vacation. We then drove back to Hanoi in the rain; it wasn’t as bad as we’d feared. We were expecting worse because of the storm forecast. It rained everyday while we were there, but whenever we needed to go out, it magically stopped. Overall, the trip was great, but there were a few things I didn’t like, such as a power outage at our hotel from the afternoon until 1 a.m., water hygiene concerns where we stayed, and a foul smell in some areas near the beach after the heavy rain. But above all, I truly cherish the time with my family, which is more precious than anything else I’ve experienced on the trip. I’m not sure when I’ll have another gathering like that. It reminds me of how important these moments are and how grateful I am for the chance to have shared them with my family.

  • Beyond tears

    10 IVF cycles (8 egg retrievals, 2 cancelled on days 8 and 9 of stimulations). The numbers say it all… Still hopeful but hopeless at the same time.

    Not related, but it’s not easy living with fear—silent but turbulent at times. Bear it, embrace it, befriend it, and pray, knowing that things shall pass.

    In the worst situations, prayer, compassion, and gratitude are my navigators through struggles and miseries, without whining, “poor me!”

  • Employ Power of breath to sail the voice

    Many E​nglish learners focus heavily on the articulators—tongue, jaw, mouth, lips, and throat. Yet, they still struggle to speak English naturally in various settings. A significant reason is their lack of awareness of breath control. Breath is a silent yet powerful tool for voice control, essential for smoothness, clarity, and consistency in speech.

    Breath acts as a voice carrier; however, its role is usually overlooked by learners. Many mistakenly believe that sound is created by the articulatory muscles and therefore move them excessively in pursuit of clarity. This can result in a voice that sounds “too clear” but lacks smoothness. They also overuse the articulatory muscles in an attempt to project their voice louder, but this approach often produces an unnatural and strained voice. Such habit may lead to fatigue and potential long-term harm to the articulators. Some learners, in contrast, are ​”lazy​” to move the articulators, combined with short and shallow breath, causing a weak, inconsistent and unclear voice. Additionally, some individuals sound natural when speaking alone or in small groups; however they fail to maintain effortless and consistent speech in larger, louder environments due to improper breath control.

    Having enough breath before speaking and knowing how to release it properly is crucial for voice control. Focus on breath rather than muscles. Let the breath carry the sound, and send the voice out on exhalation. You should always remind yourself to “open your throat” before speaking and maintain this openness throughout the speech. Breathing in helps open the vocal tract, position the tongue, and create more space at the back of the mouth. Once the articulators and their positions are set, maintain their stability and use breath to send the voice out. 

    First, inhale gently and slowly through the nose, avoiding aggressiveness or abruptness. Speak on exha​lation. Inhale again before starting each new phrase or sentence. Speak on exhalation. This process repeats consistently and rhythmically: inhale, then speak (on exhalation).

    Alternatively, breathe in through the mouth as if starting a small yawn. Speak at the beginning of the yawn. Do not wait until the yawn is complete as this will cause strain on the tongue root and narrow the throat and the back of the mouth.

    In addition to proper inhalation, be aware of how to breathe out effectively because sounds glide on exhalation. Sound production is closely tied to the vibration of the vocal folds. If breath is ample but the vocal folds vibrate loosely, the voice will sound breathy or hollow. Conversely, insufficient breath and tense vocal folds stress the voice, making it sound small, dull, and rigid. Remember the vocal folds regulate airflows. It’s essential to maintain their flexibility and stability to achieve a smooth, clear, and natural voice. To understand more about how the vocal folds work, check it here.

    This information may seem overwhelming at first, and practicing it can be challenging. You may have been so familiar with overusing the articulators instead of using breath to produce sound. Take time to practice, be patient, and resilient. Be attentive to the articulators, muscles, and breath. Overtime, you will become more sensitive to how these elements react and be able to gauge whether your voice sounds okay or require adjustments. Take notes on issues while practicing for review and subsequent addressing.

    In summary, effective breath control is crucial as it serves as a voice carrier​. Mastering it significantly improves vocal quality, promoting a smooth, consistent, and natural sound without straining the articulators. From my personal experience, being well-prepared with breath also greatly enhances a speaker’s demeanor—conveying relaxation, control, and full engagement in conversations.